Poppy

This post is for the man that raised my mother, who later became a drunk, moved to the mountains, loved me, but never took the time to show it.   My grandpa, Poppy passed away a little over two weeks ago.  My hear and mind have been aching over the memories of my youth and the regrets of the more current years.  I have felt hurt for his lack of attention and affection.  I hurt that he missed my wedding, graduation, each of my kids births and baptisms.  I miss the opportunities we could of had hunting, shooting, talking and shared holidays.   He made a lot of bad choices in his life.  He chose to drink, he chose the mountains and by making those choices he missed out on a lot.

But,  I too made choices.  I could have taken my family up to visit, he only lived an hour away.  I could have called more or remembered his birthday with a card or visit.  I could have been there when he died.  I too made bad choices and I am sorry.  I feel like the worst granddaughter.  How could I ever  hold bitterness and resentment so long that I missed out on a decade of memories?  This relationship, I have failed.  I am sorry, so sorry.

The day before he passed I went to visit him.  I went out of duty, out of respect and deep down, out of love.  When I walked in, he looked already gone.  My anger and bitterness was immediately swept away.   All I could do is hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him.  I watched him wince in pain and struggle to breath.  I knew this was the end, the last time we'd ever be together on this earth.  However, I looked to the future.  I knew that  he would give up his mortal tabernacle to go home to his Father;  I prayed that he would go quickly and as comfortably as possible.

I will miss his scratchy beard he'd let me play with, his flannel shirts I'd snuggle into when he pulled me into his lap.  I will miss his jokes.  I will miss his teasing and the love in his eyes. I will miss hearing him say how proud he was of me.

When my mom was a little girl running to the bus stop, Poppy would come running out yelling, "Wait! Don't leave me!  You forgot your kiss!"  Well, that's how I feel, "Wait,  I want one more kiss.  One more decade of memories."  But I won't get it here on this earth.  The time will come though, that I too will return to my Father, where my Poppy will be and I will run into his arms and make an eternity of memories with him.

I wanted to add some funniness to this sad post.  Poppy was known for many funny one liners that I'd like to share:

Oh, crap on a crutch!

That kid is one fart in a skillet!

If the horse don't buck, there ain't no rodeo!

100 years from now it won't make a difference.

It'll feel better when it quits hurting.

As the funeral grew closer, family flew in and time was shared together.  We laughed and cried and laughed some more.  We spent many late nights talking, then I would wake up early to take care of my kids.  I was starting to feel spread thin, between being a mother, wife and daughter.  I have five busy kids, one husband who was sick and a needy extended family.  I also had many emotions that needed time to heal.  I was on the phone with a loved one and snapped.  I thought out loud as I chucked my phone across the lawn!  "Why can't you see what I DO do!!?"  Hearing those words come out of my mouth was like lightening bolt.  I had a ginormous epiphany.  Did  I look at what my grandpa gave me or what he didn't give me?  Did I even see what he did do?  He gave me a pretty darn good Mom, love and affection and praise, his funny sense of humor, Christmas sleigh rides, Halloween Trick or Treating, snowmobiling excursions, memories with cousin in the mountains, cow pie fun, teaching me how to spell, C-U-P (see you pee)!  Why was I so focused on how I was wronged?  This wasn't his problem but mine.  I am owning this.

So many times we like to point the finger and put the blame on failed marriages, rotten childhoods, gossiping friends, rude neighbors, a fellow driver on the road.  We too play a part on the relationship or the lack there of.  Instead of asking yourself, "Why don't my parents ever call me?" ask "When was the last time  I called to check in on my parents?"  Look for the good in people, focus on what they can give.  I hope people will do that for me.  I fail in so many areas, but I do alright in some parts of life.  I hope others will see the good in me.

The challenge for this week is to give people the benefit of a doubt and see the good others do, instead of pointing out everything they do wrong.  Choose to not take offense by others actions.  You never know what others are going through.  Think "What Would Jesus Do?"  My great Mamee Rose would say, "Jesus loves you and so do I."  If you really do love them, show it.  I will wager that you will not only have more love for others, by the end of the week, but you will be happy.

With love,
Auna Leigh

listen..

When I first got the "call" to start this blog on service and friendship I had an experience that I felt needed to be shared.

I was leaving the gym early one morning in a rush  to get home to send my kids of to school when I saw someones car lights on.  I got in my car quickly and started my engine, reminding myself that it would be ok if I didn't run back in the gym and find the driver of the vehicle.  I came up with every excuse out there.  Right as I turned to leave, I slammed on the breaks when I felt the words in my heart, "Auna, if I can't trust you with this, then what can I trust you with?"  Simple, but a punch in the gut and with a sharp left turn and up straight through to my heart.  I put it in park, ran in and asked the first person at the desk if she had a minivan with its lights on and of course it was.  This experience reminded me in a simple way that I need to follow the promptings of the spirit no matter how small or  inconsequential we may think it is.  We never know. 

I was headed home from Costco during the summer when  I saw a 15 passenger bus that was pulled over on the side of the road with flashing lights.  I again reasoned with myself that they were fine.  We live in the cell phone age, where paramedics could be there in 5 min. flat.   Yet, I couldn't shake that nagging feeling, so I wheeled the car around and pulled up behind them.  I met two bell choir directors and ten of their crew.  One boy had gotten ill.  They had been traveling for a day and still had one more day til they arrived at their competition.    I grabbed my first box of Creamies I have ever purchased at Costco and handed out popsicles.  It was divine intervention, because I was going to buy ice cream that day.  A Popsicle miracle! ;-)

When I was due, I mean overly due, with my last baby, I was sitting at home with my 3 youngest kidos.  They were watching cartoons and I was practicing my relaxation/mediation for delivery she, POP, I mean literally I heard and felt a pop and all of a sudden I felt like I had peed my pants.  I went to change and realized my water had broke.  Immediately my phone starting ringing, it was my dear friend and visiting teacher ( women who look after women), Mindy, calling to check on me.  She asked how I was, I said, "Great!"  She asked then, "What can I do?"  I said, "Well I am pretty sure my water just broke and I am alone with my kids.  Can you come over?"  She sped over in ten minutes and pulled in just as my husband arrived.  I thanked her repeatedly for following the inspiration and she said it was nothing, but it was.  I think too many times we get a thought to help someone and push it aside as nothing of importance but it may be.  This reminds me of a story told by President Thomas S. Monson:

My brothers and sisters, the Lord’s purposes are often accomplished as we pay heed to the guidance of the Spirit. I believe that the more we act upon the inspiration and impressions which come to us, the more the Lord will entrust to us His errands.

I have learned, as I have mentioned in previous messages, never to postpone a prompting. On one occasion many years ago, I was swimming laps at the old Deseret Gym in Salt Lake City when I felt the inspiration to go to the University Hospital to visit a good friend of mine who had lost the use of his lower limbs because of a malignancy and the surgery which followed. I immediately left the pool, dressed, and was soon on my way to see this good man.

When I arrived at his room, I found that it was empty. Upon inquiry I learned I would probably find him in the swimming pool area of the hospital, an area which was used for physical therapy. Such turned out to be the case. He had guided himself there in his wheelchair and was the only occupant of the room. He was on the far side of the pool, near the deep end. I called to him, and he maneuvered his wheelchair over to greet me. We had an enjoyable visit, and I accompanied him back to his hospital room, where I gave him a blessing.

I learned later from my friend that he had been utterly despondent that day and had been contemplating taking his own life. He had prayed for relief but began to feel that his prayers had gone unanswered. He went to the pool with the thought that this would be a way to end his misery—by guiding his wheelchair into the deep end of the pool. I had arrived at a critical moment, in response to what I know was inspiration from on high.

My friend was able to live many more years—years filled with happiness and gratitude. How pleased I am to have been an instrument in the Lord’s hands on that critical day at the swimming pool.

We all have been given the gift of agency, the freedom to choose.  Living in America, we are given more freedoms than most of the world.  Everyone on earth has been given the Light of Christ that shines within us.  The Light of Christ has been said to be our conscience.  We all inherently know right from wrong and we have agency to choose to do the right thing…but do we?  How many times have we chosen to go against our moral code?  I know for myself, too many times to consider.  I am far from perfect; I struggle with anger management;  I find it difficult to love myself;  I please others before God;  I have yet to return silver wear from a church function.  Okay, the last one is true but  I am sounding like a Narcissist here, so I will try to ver back on track.

Throughout our lives we will have thousands of opportunities to listen to the promptings God sends our way through the Holy Ghost.  We have the gift to use our agency for good; to better the lives around us and within us.  Pray to recognize the spirit and immediately follow the council.

Be kind.  Listen to the Light within and follow His mission.  For when we are following the Lord's mission, we will find it is our mission.

chicken noodle soup

A few years back my older sister went through some serious finical troubles.  The economy went down real fast.  Building jobs shut down almost over night.  My amazing brother-in-law was in over his head, with too many specs not moving.  They tried everything from selling big ticket items to working for pennies.  Before they knew it they had to foreclose on their gorgeous home that sat on two acres.  It was a rough year on their family.  Many tender mercies and growing experiences, but there is one I choose to share.

With little time to find another home in the middle of the school year a kind neighbor offered them an old farm house they could rent for free, if they helped clean up the place.  It was old, mice infested, but it had character and gosh darn it, my sister LOVED it!  When I heard about the mice, I called her in a panic, but she played it off and said, "I took care of it.  I yelled, "Ty, grab your bb gun." and I layed on top of my bed, waiting for him to show.  Then "POP!"  I shot him!  One hit to the head!"  I giggled then and still think it's hilarious.  Jennifer always knows how to make lemonade with lemons.

During this trial Jennifer had a dear friend pass away.  Jennifer would spend hours a day there, multiple times a week and sometimes a couple of times a day.  She would wash dishes, do laundry, change her sheets, massage her feet and one night she even brought in a bottle of wine, which is against our religious beliefs, and said with a giggle, "Are you sure there's not one more thing you wanna try?"  Jennifer brought in meals, helped her dress and would spend hours simply talking.  A few weeks before her passing she told Jennifer, "When I get to heaven I am going to send you another little girl, a fiery one, to keep you on your toes!"  Jennifer who had no plans on having anymore kids said, "Leigh don't you dare!"

Well, within 3 months and without even ovulating Jennifer was pregnant.  She spent most of the time hung over her toilet puking all her innards out.  She was put on an IV at 6 weeks.  Still she couldn't keep anything down.  One night was extremely bad.   My mom called to check in on her, "How ya doing Sis?"  My sister replied, "Not good mom, I feel like hell."  Inside Mom felt torn, she knew she had to be somewhere early the next day that would require her there all day, that she committed to months before.  That night as Mom went to bed she prayed to God, "Heavenly Father, I know you are there and can make anything happen.  All Jennifer needs is just a good home cooked meal.  Please Lord can you make this happen."

The next day about mid afternoon on a Saturday there was a knock on my sisters door.  There stood the lady who now lived in her million dollar home holding homemade chicken noodle soup with mashed potatoes, my sisters favorite.  My sister was gracious and thankful and deeply touched by this woman's kind heart.  Soon my moms phone was ringing, "Mom, you'll never believe who was at my door and what she brought!!?"  My sister related the story and my mom's heart was full of gratitude as she thanked the Lord for hearing and answering a mother's plea.

The best part of the story continues when nine months later Portia Leigh was born and true to Leigh's word she was a fiery one!  My sister was now living in Mesa, AZ.  My mom grabbed a box of Krispy Kreams and drove over to my sisters old gorgeous home and knocked on the door.  The kind lady answered and my mom said, "I know you don't know me from the man on the moon, but not too long ago you took a meal over to my daughter who used to live here. I just wanted you to know you were literally an answer to my prayer.   I just want to thank you for doing something outside your comfort zone."  The lady started crying, "Thank you for coming and telling me the whole story.  I have always wondered how my service was viewed.  I didn't feel like a meal would be sufficient owning their old home they were forced to leave."

Prayers are answered through our tiny hands.  In the Book of Mormon, in the Book of Mosiah 23:10, "…the Lord did hear my cries, and did answer my prayers, and has made me an instrument in his hands…"  The Lord knows us, listens to our every prayer; he weeps when we weep.  When trials are burying you, try to pray and listen for his reply.  When you feel a thought to help someone out, do it!  This is the Lord's lifeline; he is reaching out to you.  He blesses us thru others.  This life is about looking out for others that need your help.  You will never regret serving others.

Enjoy the last few weeks of summer,

Auna Leigh

rekindle...

I am really excited about this post.  I have been wanting to talk more about my relationship with my dreamy Mr. C, but I had to wait for the right moment.  He is my best friend, soul mate, companion forever and the father of my children.  He is incredibly sexy, has the perfect body from head to toe.  My favorite is his eyes and smile.  He is ridiculously smart, funny and talented in just about every area of life.  Which drives me nuts with envy sometimes but, makes me adore him even more.   I love how giving, kind and dedicated he is.  He has a heart of gold, the wisdom of an owl and body of a god.  And he's mine, all mine.

I love watching old married people, walking hand in hand, grocery shopping together, kissing, etc.  I could watch them all day long.  Might freak them out a bit, but I just LOVE the elderly.  When Mr. C and I were dating he asked once, "When we're ninety do you think we'll still french kiss?" I replied quickly "Heck ya!"

This summer we have been traveling a ton and "discussing" a lot as well.  We've had our highs of highs and lows of lows in a short six week time period.  It's been one roller coaster after another.  Without airing dirty laundry I'd like to think we have a typical marriage with struggles like anyone else.   As of this moment we are soaring high above the clouds, with feelings of newly weds.  I am giddy as a school girl and constantly miss him while he is at work.  While the highs feel amazing and feel like they are but a brief moment, how do we even know they are a high without feeling the lows that feel like they drag on forever?

Marriage is the most important friendship to work on and to enjoy.  This last vacation we were in Washington staying along the beach.  It was beautiful and breathtaking.  On the drive up he hid my books I was planning on reading and asked to just talk all 10 hours.  I thought it might be hard to keep conversation for that long, but we did and on top of that, we enjoyed it.  This was his way of showing love for me, because conversation is a large LOVE language for me.  

 When we arrived we looked over our family reunion agenda and the first in the mornings was yoga.  I got excited, because it is my new found love for exercise.  I told Mr. C.  His response was what I was expecting, "Well you and your sisters will have fun."  I could fell the tension building, but before the wall could be built I asked, "Why don't we go together instead.  We could walk the beach and then go to yoga."  That sealed the deal and I could see a little bounce in his step, however small.  All that week, I tried to choose him over everyone else.  I wasn't perfect, but I tried.   And guess what happened?  He started feeling loved and appreciated.  Then all of a sudden it hit me, I married my best friend. 

We have spent time mostly around water this summer, which has helped keep us grounded.  Spending time enjoying God's creations has kept us rooted.  We have unplugged the TV and iPads and instead enjoyed God's entertainment and conversations with one another.  From walking the beach, to paddle boarding Lake Powell, to fire works over Lake Payett we have bonding.  All it takes is choosing to be with each other.  My challenge for myself and anyone out there who's up for it is to choose your spouse.  When you get all the kids into bed, instead of getting cozy and curling up to a good book, choose him.  When getting ready for lunch with a friend, cancel and surprise him.  Wake him up early and take him on a morning walk.  Might Want to buy him a donut to save your bacon if he's not a morning person.  Just choose him.  

Our marriage hasn't been perfect, for which I am grateful, because of our trials we have grown closer as a unit.  I married him because I knew that whatever was in our future we'd face it together.  People say you fall in and out of love with your spouse periodically.  I have to disagree.  I think being selfish overrides the love of others and hides it away.  But like every other thing we want badly we have to work for it.   You want a great looking body, you gotta hit the gym 6 days a week and diet constantly.  You want a million dollar enterprise, you have to work your butt off and take risks.  You want a marriage that is amazing you have to constantly be working on it; putting one another first. 

 I know this isn't a band aid that heals all marriages.  There is a lot of hurt and bitterness and betrayal.  Sometimes it is heavily one sided.  I know it sucks, but you are not alone.  Lean upon the Savior and he will heal your wounds.  He has descended below all, to feel our pain.  He atoned for everyone, those who have sinned and those sinned upon.  Lean on Him and continue to reach out to your spouse.  Be patient; from what I hear the grass ain't greener on the other side.  

I love Mr. C for all his strengths and weaknesses.  He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me.  I want forever with this man.  So I am starting by enjoying today with him. 

letting go

I have a lot of emotions swarming around in my soul lately and the one I clearly can pull on is hurt.  I found out recently that my dearest friend that I have raised my kids along side her kids is moving.  Again the Lord is trying me, pushing and pulling.  I said Uncle last month, but apparently it wasn't loud enough.  UNCLE!!!!  She has already started letting go, slowly, so it won't hurt so bad when she leaves.  I understand, but it still hurts.  When she told me she was moving, it sucked the wind right out of my sails.  We had plans!  Our kids would be in the same co-op.  We'd kid swap when we worked in the classroom.   We'd run to Costco together and Winco.  We were going places.  Ha! Ha!  I know she's not moving far away and I don't need to be so sensitive about it, but she's been my partner in crime for far too long.  From dressing up and serenading neighbors for their birthdays to carpool, we've done a lot together.  She has seen me at my worst, accidentally overdosing on pain meds during my pneumonia episode; witnessing my ditzy nature daily and loving me all the same.  When she moves her family away she will take a piece of my heart along with her.

All of us have areas in our lives that we struggle so hard to control.  Whether it's the food we digest or don't, appearing perfectly put together or not, controlling our kids and their bad behavior, controlling our spouse into being someone we want them to be, holding on tight to bitterness and resentment because then we have the control or think we do, holding onto expectations.  We try to control everything in our lives. We try to control where we will live, the school we will have our kids attend, the sports teams we want them on.  It's exhausting thinking about all the control we want.  In so many areas of our lives we are desperately trying to hold to the reins as hard as we can.  Our muscles are taut, our mind ever worried and yet the fear of simply letting go scares us into digging our feet in harder to resist the pulls all around us, even though it's what we need to do.

But what if we were to simple let go… you know, just to see what happens.  What if there is a far better plan out there that neither you or I could comprehend. What if we were to believe that our Father is of divine origins and that he loved us and knew the best plan for us and all we would simple have to do is slip the reins from our hands and open our arms out wide beckoning on the unknown.              

Carrier Underwood said it best,
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Anna my 65 year old stylist and neighbor came by today to add to my wardrobe with some of her old hand-me-downs.  As she was leaving she said, "Well I am headed in for my Mammogram today.  I have a lump that I found and its hurting.  My mom had breast cancer so I need to go get it checked."  Immediately I got a sick feeling in my stomach.  NO! Not Anna!  Lord don't take someone else away from me.  Please let it be nothing.  I looked at her worriedly and she responded, "It is what it is.  No reason to worry quite yet."  I stand vigil beside my window praying for a positive results driving up.  Although I worry about her, my thoughts return to her stoic and matter of fact way she addressed it. She was so brave, she didn't show worry or fret, she let go of all that and simple said, "It is what it is."

Sometimes  I think we work ourselves up into a needless tizzy.  We analyze situations over and over and over and again.  We spend time calling searching for homes to find the perfect one.  We rehash old baggage to feel validated for the hurt we feel.  We need to let go of pain and hurt, resentment, bitterness.  All the emotions that drag us down, making us feel as though we are drowning, we need to let go of.  It's not easy, never said it was.  You will find peace, love, joy and contentment when you let go.  When we accept Christ's atonement and let him heal us, we find that his hands are where we want to be.   We need to relax a little, focus on our families and dear friends; we need to reach out and help others and be still and know that God is at the wheel.

Auna Leigh
PS.  Check out my friends post today..http://www.itsyourtimetoheal.blogspot.com
Great minds think alike! ;)

uncle...

I swear the Lord has it in for me…
This past month has rocked my boat, to the point that I am waving a white flag.  What am I not getting?  My heart is being torn in two.  My sister and her sweet family, my kids best friends, are moving 14hrs away.  I don't know what  I am going to do without her.   Mr. C's grandmother, who is not replaceable passed away.  My great Aunt Peggy passed yesterday.  My nephew and niece are headed off to college and on a mission.  My best friend in Idaho Falls is moving to another city.  Everyones chapters are ending and people are moving on.  Yet  I am still.  For the first time, it's not me being torn away.  When we had been married for 8 years we had moved over 10 times!!!  I always thought it was harder going through the change, moving on to the unknown, but now I am on the other side of the fence, watching others, in a non stalking kind of way, move on, to mature.  And I don't think I like it.

The only sure thing in life is….change. 

I researched the word change and according to the internet dictionary, change is, to make the form, nature, content, future course, to transform or convert, exchange for something else, usually of the same kind, to give and take reciprocally, to become different, to become altered or modified and to pass gradually into. I like the idea of becoming different or to pass gradually into. It makes the idea of change much more excepting and exciting.

During Mr. C's grandma's viewing I had a wave of sadness and awareness wash over me.  I grabbed onto my darling nephew Scott and held him for a long time and bawled like a baby.  I started rambling,  "Scott, everyone is moving on.  Everyone is changing.  Grandma's gone, Kate's on her mission and you are headed off to college. It's not fair.  You're going to go off get married and have a billion babies.  You'll never have time for us anymore."  He whispered in my ear,  "No I will come back and I'll have a little Auna Saylin running around with me."  This kid is quick, sweet and full of love.  He's got the cutest dimples, dimples that he'll flash at any girl and every young lass will swoon. Even thinking about it makes my heart ache.  We put so much love and time into our relationships, but adventually people have to move on.

Change is not simple, nor easy.  However, when the Lord is on your side the transition is more smooth, you have peace and can feel help from the other side.  The Lord is always  twisting and pulling and helping us grow.  Remember that when you have a green light from the Lord to move forward, don't look back.  Just take that wild and crazy step in the unknown abyss.  And when you start to hesitate at that green light remember to, "Doubt your doubt before you doubt your faith." - Dieter F. Uchdorft 

My sweet niece Mylee, my sister's kid that just moved, age 8, ran a 5k with me.  I am NOT a runner, repeat, I AM NOT A RUNNER.  Ask a few of my friends who saw me summersault over a median at 6am a few years back.  They will testify to my not so awesome running skills.  So I chose to be Mylee's buddy, aka my buddy.  As we were running we sang songs.  No I sang songs.  Mainly, to get her to smile.  We spent time focusing on trees, other runners, and talking about 3rd grader stuff.  When we reached about half way her legs started itching bad and she wanted to walk for a while.  I turned to her and gave her my mantra (Who knows where I came up with this!  But it seems to help!) that I share with my running friends, "Mylee we started strong, we are staying strong and we will finish strong!  Now let's keep moving!"  She smiled, liking the idea and picked up her pace.  

Just yesterday I called my sister and Mylee answered.  I asked her "Where are you?  Are you guys getting along?  Are you being good for your mom?"  She replied, "Ya, were just watching Shrek."  I said, "Hey My can you do me a favor?  Next week when your Momma's having a rough day unpacking the boxes, will you grab both her shoulders and look into her eyes and tell her, "Mom we started strong, we are staying strong and darn it, we are going to finish strong!  And then give her the biggest hug and tell her I love her."  I could tell in her voice she was smiling remember our run one morning not too long ago.  

We gotta dig deep when change is all around us.  Dig deep into our roots, our foundation, what makes us who we are.  I've been on both ends, changing and just being still and you have to know who you are .  Who are you?  We need to know when times are rocky.  Solidify your faith for when the waves of life come crashing in.  Anchor your soul to the Lord.

What can we do for friends that are experiencing change?

1) Have patience.  Everyone has something they struggle with.  Some are just better at hiding it.  Be patient with your friends when they may have a short fuse. 

2) Lend a hand.  Be willing to pack a box, bring over a lunch, send them a text.  Let them know you care. 

3) Give un decided attention and listen.  Most of the time people wanna feel validated and heard.

4) Give advice when asked (or give unsolicited advice, like me, which always go practically perfect every time! ;) ;)) 

While attending my great aunt Peggy's funeral They showed a video of her life and the last scene they shared this quote she would tell us all the time, "God is in his heaven and every things going to be ok."  I love this simple yet profound message!  Be still my soul. 

Much summer love-

Auna Leigh

the next best place to home...

Service has always been a big part of my life. When I was young I remember countless snowy mornings my dad would be gone from the house, out with the tractor shoveling driveways.  He still does it to this day, but usually he brings along a few grandkids with snow shovels. When I was a teenager and would drag my feet to a youth activity, without fail my mom would say, “Auna Leigh you can make shoveling manure fun!”  She would then share the story of when she had the opportunity to take some youth to help someone in the congregation on their farm.  The youth were skeptical of working in the barn among animals and their droppings, but before long everyone was having a good time, even singing along.  It was THE activity.

When I was about to turn ten years old, my Dad asked all of us girls who would like to come with him on a trip.  Mind you, we were all in school.  My parents were never afraid to take us out of school to be with them.  I was quick to jump at the chance.  I don’t remember how I was chosen; I had four other sisters that could sweeten up my Dad real good and a brother who was the apple of his eye.  But this was my trip to be with my Dad.  

We were off, headed south, to open a new door to my life.  Besides a stint with my stinky loafers and a prank my Dad pulled at a department store that embarrassed the crud out of me, we made it.  About three years previously my Dad had started a new company.  It was an elderly care facility that was more like a home that assisted elderly that can’t live on their own.  My great grandmother was put in a huge facility that did not take care of her.  It tore my Dad up and he knew there would have to be another way.  Thus Beehive Homes was established.  It was a big part of my family’s life.  We had just opened one up in Lehi, UT and my Dad had to be there for the ribbon cutting ceremony.  As I walked into that home twenty-one years ago, I was enveloped into a spiritual paradise. 

 I spent every waking minute and sleeping, for that matter, in the home.  For five days I sat at the feet of giants as they told me their life stories.  I was able to cook for them, talk with them, play with them, and read with them.  I fell in love with them.  I met men who were accountants and famers, women who were full time moms and others who were receptionists.  I even met a man who was a cross dresser, now that was interesting.  There was one lady in particular whom I’ll call Mable.  She knitted coverings for hangers and Mable knitted her way into my heart.  We spent many hours together, her teaching me to knit and telling me about her kids and me soaking it all in.  I felt important and happy.  These people needed me, and I needed them.  I realized that week that  I was happy; I drank freely of God's love as  I served.  I never wanted to leave.  I wanted to stay in the sanctuary of the elderly's love.

Recently I went to a beautiful rendition of Les Mis, my husband and I were brought to tears when Jean Valjean sang "To love another person is to see the face of God."  After the play we skipped dinner and headed straight to see Craig's Dad.  He was ill and in a home recovering.  We sat by him and cried.  Held his hands and talked with him.  We didn't want to leave.  We felt close to God.

While in that home years ago I felt like I could see how God loves others;  I felt I was among earthly angels.   Saying goodbye was not easy, even after Dad extended his trip for me.  Shortly after our trip Dad received a call, my friend Mable had passed away.  I was devastated.  I already missed her terribly.   I sat in my room holding my knitted hangers and cried.  And this is when my love affair with service was born.

The thing is love is an amazing gift, when given, it only expands.  It's the law of positive attraction.  If we hold on to love and don't share our love with hard work it fizzles and dies out.   The relationships that tear at our heart strings, to where they feel like a frayed violin bow, are the ones worth fighting for.  Life is exhausting, but when we kneel down and wash a loved one's feet or pull them into our lap to play with their hair, we are refreshed, we are renewed.  We need to put aside our own needs, our own troubles and enjoy the blessings that come from it.

I am grateful for a mother who encouraged a sunny disposition when asked to do something I’d rather not and a father who taught me to serve, who gave me opportunities to serve and introduced me to a woman who showed a little ten year old how to love others.  I am beyond grateful for my Father who watches over me, who knows me, who teaches me, who strengthens me.  It is through this Father I am led to others who are in need of His love.   He sent his Son who gave us the perfect example of love and service.  And to Him I dedicate my life and this here blog.