swimming in wet clothes

Tonight as I was trying to relax and unwind in the tub, while using my nebulizer, I know, you can imagine how uncool I looked.  Maybe you were more worried about me getting shocked.  In case of the later, I'm writing so, we're goooood.  While in the tub my two littlest earthly angels made their debut in my bath completely clothed.  They laid there in there tight little clothes suctioned to their skin.  Now they are running around in there wet jeggings.  I should get them dressed, heck I should get dressed, but as Disney Channel plays in the back ground I sit down to pour my heart out.

I love my kids.  I love my life.  I feel blessed more and more every day, but that doesn't mean there are days I feel like I am swimming in my clothes, more like drowning. You get the picture?  I sat in Sunday School yesterday as we were taught how to best help our children to learn.  Hands were raised steadily through the hour lesson and example after example were given and I sat there with my hand in my lap and my mind racing for ideas to share.  

The thing is I am usually one of THOSE people that fellow classmates hate, but teachers love.  I usually have something to share that has worked or hasn't worked for me.  This last Sunday was different, I kept thinking, I have no clue what I am doing.  I really feel like I am winging it, 90% of the time.  Honestly, I'm treading water in the massive pond of Motherhood.  To tell you the truth, I hate Mommy blogs, whether its crafts, parenting, food, etc.  Yes, I am well aware I am a mother blogging! 

So I am keeping it real; I have no grand plan on Motherhood, no cleaning plan that works, no dinner schedule that dazzles the masses, my baby sitting co-op is slowly dying, I don't have a workout routine guaranteed to shed the weight, nor do I care to work it off right now.  I lack in so many areas it makes my head spin.  I am just trying to stay afloat.  

I have a quote in my home, well actually I have a few of them, that reads "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."  It doesn't tell you had to harness the storm, or the five steps to a cleaner, brighter happier sky, but to simply dance.  Flippin' DANCE.  I had these shoes I used to wear to dances in high school and I'd say, "They make me jump higher, run faster and dance like no ones watching."  Turn up the music and dance to your own craziness!

Here's to the crazy Mom's who roll down the windows and blast their horns when they drop their teenager off;  the Mom who finds an extra pair of kid socks in your sweatshirt sleeve; the Mom who forgets snacks and zip locks popcorn for the starving first graders; the Mom who shows up late to a daughter half time performance, etc.  You rock!  We mom's adore you!  All of us stand by and wish we had your style, your patience, your attitude, your hair and your adorable smile.  Power to the moms!  Keep swimming.  

train wreck

Not too long ago I got caught in a scary predicament.  I was a voice in the dangerous gossip train and the conductor blew the whistle.  Everyone was ordered to stay aboard as I was kicked off.  As I fell, it hurt.  There were tears and heart ache.  I hated watching the train pull out and my friends look the other way.  I saw the whispers behind my back, the look over the shoulder to make sure I wasn't listening.  I knew I should have kept my mouth shut tight and never boarded that train, but I had to climb aboard to notify one fellow passenger.  One.  It just took one.   

It wasn't a fun story to tell, it was full of heart ache, deception, secrets and lies of others.  I was abandoned that day, stuck in a rut, hurt deep to the bone because I had cause so much pain for my friend.  I thought, "If only she could see the truth, she would know I am a good person.  She would love me.  She would see me as honest.  And then the guilt would be gone.   I wouldn't feel so darn sad and lonely."

Well as all secrets do, the truth leaked out.  This time my friend took initiative and got the answers she needed.  When I heard, my heart sank.  The relief I had anticipated never came, my heart felt heavier because it was all true and my friend was hurting and there was nothing I could do.

I tell my daughter who is in the pit of drama, aka, middle school, to keep her mouth shut.  Remember the phrase, "If you ain't got nothn' nice to say, don't say nothn' at all."  It's that simple.  Or at Dieter F. Uchdorft once said, "Stop it."  In a General Conference for my church he said, "This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!"

Six months after this ordeal I overheard some women discussing my friends predicament, good friends.  I sat by and didn't participate, thinking I was safe for not casting a stone.  Not until another gal spoke up and said, "Can we please stop talking about this.?  I just really love her and don't want to hurt her."  I sat back, I may not have been participating but I was doing nothing to stop it or protect my friend.

It's been now over two years and finally this friend will smile at me and pull me into her arms.  Before the holidays I saw her and she told me she loved me.  I know her life is far from peachy but to see her heart soften and accept me for my imperfections soothes my soul.

I pray that we can accept others for who they are. Period. Friends need people to have their backs when the rain hits.  Friends need someone to hold their hands and have a shoulder they can cry on.  Don't be sucked into the drama.  Stand up for your friends.  Love them all the time. 

So when the gossip train arrives at your station and blows the whistle to welcome you aboard, don't hesitate to throw the nearest elephant on the tracks. STOP IT, before it leaves a train wreck at your station.

Love you- Auna Leigh