love

Have you ever taken a moment and thought about the love that exists in the world today?  We hear enough stories laced with hate, malice, vengeance, violence.  I am a person who can't stand to watch the news.  It makes my heart ache when I hear of tragedies and accidents. It tears at my soul and makes me feel overwhelmed!

This last week I watched two old men meet each other at a restaurant.  One arrived early and waited just outside the door, the other later saved a table for the two of them.  This scene warmed my heart and I so wanted to snap a shot.  They sat wrapped into each others stories and obviously happy to be together.  Then yesterday I watched an older couple sitting just outside a dressing room discussing outfits.  I giggled as the man asked "Well, do I get to pick?"  To which she replied, "If it's for Mother's Day, then yes."  You could see the love and companionship between the two.

Love is something that comes easy to some.  To others, it's an up hill battle.  Love doesn't have to be over zealous or perfect.  When I was a little girl after my mom tucked me into bed I'd yell down the hall, "I love you Mom!"  She'd holler back, "Love you more!"  I'd yell louder, "Love you MOST!" The love war had begun.  I am sure my mom was tired and just wanted to retire for the evening but she would play up until we'd finally give in.  To this day she signs everything, LYM. (Love You Most)

Love doesn't have to show it's self through gifts, flowers or compliments.  Love is something that fills your heart, that compels you into action.  Love makes your heart fill with empathy when someone is ill.  Love causes you to come to your knees begging forgiveness.   It compels you to right your wrongs, to be humble.

To truly love, you must first love yourself.  Feeling love from on High starts with listening to the loving kind words in your heart.  We have to be kind to ourselves.  Whenever  I am negative about myself out loud my friend says, "Be nice to my friend."  We need to avoid the constant negative stream of thoughts that sometimes flood our minds.  They are both competing, vying for your attention.  Who will you give the floor too?  Who will you hand over the mic to?

Not long ago I found myself front and center on stage with the mic booming words of hate.  I started believing the thoughts, started shrinking unable to hold the weight of self-pity.  In time, I started having unpleasent thoughts of others.  One dear friend was targeted.  I sewed seeds of jealousy and frustration. I loved this friend and wanted what was best for her, but her best was my dream, and she didn't even want it.  Somedays I wanted to smack her for not realizing her wealth of opportunity.  Well as the days went on, the burden just got heavier and heavier.  I tried to be positive, I tried to give her gifts, I tried to go above and beyond what a friend should do.  But that ickiness of envy was still seeping from my pores.

Then one day I had had it.  I was done feeling this way.  I realized that I had been committing a horrible sin day in and day out and it was slowing eating me alive.  So I simply picked up the phone.  I say simply because truly the act of picking up a phone is simple but what lie ahead scared the dickens out of me.  I shook as I pressed her number, the phone rang two quick rings.  She answered and I was already in tears.  She sensed the tension and patiently listened to my confession.  "I am sorry for having these feelings and I am asking your forgiveness.  I don't want anything to come between us.  I really admire you and look to you as someone I want to be."  I drew in a ragged breath.  She quickly dried my tears and calmed my soul, "Of course  I forgive you.  I can say the same to you.  I too have had those feelings in the past.  Something we all have to go through, I guess."

Love is shown to us, when the sun rises, when a rainbow breaks over the sky, a burst of light through the clouds, through a hug from a friend.  Love manifest itself everywhere.  One day was a long horrible day.  I was fighting tears all day.  When I went to drop something off at the school, the dam broke.  It flooded over the front desk secretary.  Poor thing, didn't know what to think.  She got up and gave me a big hug and said something sweet and consoling.  The words were wonderful and heart felt, but  I felt her love through the simple hug.  I have a close friend Brittney who gives the best hugs.  She can envelop you and console you without words.  Many call just to request a simple, love drenched hug.

Love forgives.  Love is patient. Love is kind.  Love hugs.  So remember to give true, Christ filled love.

Love originated in the heavens, long ago.  In 1 John 4:19 it reads, "We love him, because he first loved us."  We are children of our heavenly Father.  He LOVES us.  He sent us here to earth to help us reach our full potential.  He watches over us tenderly as a loving Father.  He is always willing to listen.  His love is perfect.

*****Try this for the next week.   Ask the Lord to see others the way he sees them and to love them as he loves them.   Enjoy your weekend.

Love, Auna Leigh

guilty...

A few nights ago I went to a large book club for, One Hundred Dresses, by Eleanor Estes. (****If you haven't read this book I suggest you go out and buy it.  It's about a little poor Polish girl, Wanda who gets teased.  Her Father moved the family to the city because of the discrimination.  The girls responsible for the teasing felt awful and sent her letters.  Wanda responded with such grace and forgiveness.  A beautiful story for all ages!)

The women's organization (Relief Society) for our church hosted the book club for Mothers and Daughters.  We were captured immediately when we walked into the overflow room, also known as the gymnasium.  It was a picturesque setting for a picnic.  One forgot what room they entered after just a few moments.  There was a constant hum of chatter.  Salad, homemade rolls, soda pop and an ever-increasing dessert table filled our tummies.  We then made our way to another room where two teenage girls and two mothers spoke.  One mother asked, "In one word what is this story about?"  Old and young raised their hands and replied,  "Forgiveness, friendship, not judging, kindness, hurt, gossiping, etc."  Honestly, I wanted to raise my hand, I wanted my voice to be heard, but I didn't.  I didn't want people to think I was a "mean girl".  The outside world may not have known my thoughts but I did, and more importantly God knew. "GUILTY!"  I felt guilty for every wrong I committed, for the stories I had ever repeated (no matter how nice I'd made them sound).  I would never intentionally leave someone out or purposely send them a hateful text.  Yet, I was guilty.  I have judged, been unkind, gossiped and hurt too many.  No matter how I have tried to right those wrongs and repent, people don't forget.

A friend stands by us not judging, full of love, understanding, in possession of a listening ear, ever forgiving, and always kind.  The thoughts below are from a friend of Ashlee's  who was the kind of friend we can all learn from.  Emily stood by her side and was a voice of reason, stability and strength.  She always had Ashlee's back and never judged.  Learn from the master...

“I met Ashlee long before Ashlee and Emmett were strugging. I knew them right after they were married and I married. I knew them in the very happy times of their married lives. They were so fun to hang out with. We became friends easily and quickly. After their college life ended and they moved to Meridian it was like having family close and we enjoyed many outings, weekends and holidays together. Ashlee is a wonderful and smart mother. She taught me so much in my early mothering years. I considered Ashlee a dear friend and we were both able to confide in each other on many situations. I remember when she first confided in me about her and Emmett toward the end. One day I randomly picked up the phone and called her to see if she wanted to go to Goodwill with me. I ended up coming over to her house during joyschool to help her out. It was then that she let it all out. I immediately wanted to go spy and find Emmett and call him out on his actions and I wanted to help lighten her burden any way I could. I feel Ashlee needed me for an un-judging ear to listen and a mama-bear by her side. I’m not quite sure what I really did for Ashlee. I think it helped that I wasn't in the “Meridian loop” and lived fifteen minutes away and was an old friend she could talk to in confidence, knowing it wouldn't be all over Meridian. It was hard not to want to get involved too much because we loved them both. After the accident there were so many wonderful , giving, and selfless people that came to her side. I know I did not have the talent as some others surrounding her, such as a blankets, or pictures, or organizing her house. I believe I was there for Ashlee to be her sounding board, to bounce things off of, to talk sense into her, to take her stress away and to bring her back to reality. The morning after the accident happened and she was at her house with all the chaos she was beside herself. Her sister and I grabbed her, snuck away and went for a drive. I do think that I was that ear that she could tell me all her thoughts regardless if they were rational or not and she knew I had her back. I know I did turn mama-bear with her because I knew with all the attention and the state of her mind I didn't want her to get taken advantage of or misled so in a way I felt like her body guard. Probably the most random thing I remember about being there for Ashlee was day of the viewing, I bought her dry shampoo and earrings because I was worried about her wasn't sure if she would get around to showering with all the interviews and police and stress and I wanted to make sure she would look good and put together. I always laugh with her because when everyone else was giving presents and gifts and talents..... I bought her dry shampoo. I am so grateful for having the opportunity to help her through this trial in her life. Ashlee has taught me more than I could ever repay her and she continues to help me and reach out to me even in her darkest days. I know without a doubt that she would be there for me and do the same.”

Emily was specifically placed in Ashlee's life way before all the drama.  She has talents she can't even recognize.  She shows that it's the little things that count.  Thank you for teaching us how to be a listening ear and loving without judging.  You inspire and make me want to be a Mama Bear/Ninja Body Guard.  You are perfect, just the way you are!