Friendship is a two way street. Sometimes the roads are busy, both lanes being used frequently. Other times the roads are barren and when two cars happen to pass it is a blissful site. The point is when we do pass are we waving, welcoming each other in or are we purposely looking the other way? About 5 years ago we moved back to our old house we had left after being in Idaho Falls for a year. When I came back to church for the first time, I sat on the back row with a chip on my shoulder. These people were nothing like my friends on the other side of the state. They were all older and in a different stage of life and so perfect. There was no way we would become friends. Many would stop and welcome me and reach out but I sat with my arms crossed not letting anyone in. Then a crazy thing happened, they asked me to work in the Primary with a seven year old class. All I could think was, "bright idea putting a mother of four in with a bunch of kids." I would have kids for breakfast, lunch and dinner and now all day Sunday!
****I just want to clarify, although I went in with a booger of an attitude, I slowly found joy and peace with those kids. They were so much fun, teaching me all new kinds of tricks and eternal truths. I love seeing these now eleven year olds walking around our subdivision and when I honk they may or may not wave back. Regardless, they will always have a special place in my heart.
So…. I would sit and glare at the Bishop (Leader of our congregation), sink down in my seat and continue to build up a crusty coral reef that a few dared to explore. And as luck would have it, we decided to have another baby. To add to my fury my one friend and neighbor moved out. I'm not going lie, I prayed every night that someone would move in that I would get along with.
Two months later, moving trucks made their way down my street. When I saw them I was a little giddy and sick to my stomach. I made my way down the street and knocked. Later that night I posted this on my family blog...
"Just met my neighbor down the street. She has four kids, four and under, needs a work out buddy, is a photographer, doesn't let her kids use potty words, doesn't wash her hair every day........God does answer prayers!"
Never did I know how she would change my life, how she would impact everyone that met her. Yet she was just a mom like me. It's funny though, that this friendship budded a simple welcome to the neighborhood with my not so infamous bread. Now she's gluten free so I openly call her my far sided celiac friend. But that's all it took. She later invited me to go shopping and later to Arby's for a shake. I'd like to say it was down hill from there, but it wasn't. We were still good friends, but we welcomed more friends into our neighborhood. We were known lovingly as the Mormon mommy's at the end of our street. We had 18 kids between four houses. We all felt like we basically won the jack pot of friendships. We spent countless hours perched on our toes as our kids ran down the street, all while trying to keep conversation.
Ashlee drifted one way and I drifted another. When we did pass by we enjoyed a friendly chat. Then before we had our babies we would walk. During one walk I complained about my back hurting. Later she invited me over and taught me stretches to ease my pains. When the bomb dropped things went crazy. She was always preoccupied with things. She was a shell of a human, living inside her thoughts. I tried to keep things light when we were together. Most the time I would let myself in. I would text her to see what was up. Looking back I'm sure I bugged the crap out of her.
I remember at one point seeing that her car never came this way. We rarely passed and when we did she'd look the other way. I kept driving her way. I never stopped. Sometimes we'd ride together looking the other way. Other times she'd drive my way, I'd give a brief smile and keep going along my journey.
What kind of friend are you? Are you looking the other way, too busy or preoccupied?As friends we shouldn't count the trips down the one way street when the other road is under construction. I had two amazing friends that I set up road block for when I moved back, whom now I admire and look to for advice and counsel. Stellar women that are more grounded than dirt. I've had my own construction that's caused some detours for Ashlee; she's driven my way when storms raged. Real friendships sometimes go down other roads for a while, maybe in another state, with a newborn babe, down in the depths of depression or on a FB sabbatical. And that's okay. Remember to be there when they return; welcome them home with a loving warm hug of forgiveness and understanding. Be the friend you want when you return.
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