I have a lot of emotions swarming around in my soul lately and the one I clearly can pull on is hurt. I found out recently that my dearest friend that I have raised my kids along side her kids is moving. Again the Lord is trying me, pushing and pulling. I said Uncle last month, but apparently it wasn't loud enough. UNCLE!!!! She has already started letting go, slowly, so it won't hurt so bad when she leaves. I understand, but it still hurts. When she told me she was moving, it sucked the wind right out of my sails. We had plans! Our kids would be in the same co-op. We'd kid swap when we worked in the classroom. We'd run to Costco together and Winco. We were going places. Ha! Ha! I know she's not moving far away and I don't need to be so sensitive about it, but she's been my partner in crime for far too long. From dressing up and serenading neighbors for their birthdays to carpool, we've done a lot together. She has seen me at my worst, accidentally overdosing on pain meds during my pneumonia episode; witnessing my ditzy nature daily and loving me all the same. When she moves her family away she will take a piece of my heart along with her.
All of us have areas in our lives that we struggle so hard to control. Whether it's the food we digest or don't, appearing perfectly put together or not, controlling our kids and their bad behavior, controlling our spouse into being someone we want them to be, holding on tight to bitterness and resentment because then we have the control or think we do, holding onto expectations. We try to control everything in our lives. We try to control where we will live, the school we will have our kids attend, the sports teams we want them on. It's exhausting thinking about all the control we want. In so many areas of our lives we are desperately trying to hold to the reins as hard as we can. Our muscles are taut, our mind ever worried and yet the fear of simply letting go scares us into digging our feet in harder to resist the pulls all around us, even though it's what we need to do.
But what if we were to simple let go… you know, just to see what happens. What if there is a far better plan out there that neither you or I could comprehend. What if we were to believe that our Father is of divine origins and that he loved us and knew the best plan for us and all we would simple have to do is slip the reins from our hands and open our arms out wide beckoning on the unknown.
Carrier Underwood said it best,
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Anna my 65 year old stylist and neighbor came by today to add to my wardrobe with some of her old hand-me-downs. As she was leaving she said, "Well I am headed in for my Mammogram today. I have a lump that I found and its hurting. My mom had breast cancer so I need to go get it checked." Immediately I got a sick feeling in my stomach. NO! Not Anna! Lord don't take someone else away from me. Please let it be nothing. I looked at her worriedly and she responded, "It is what it is. No reason to worry quite yet." I stand vigil beside my window praying for a positive results driving up. Although I worry about her, my thoughts return to her stoic and matter of fact way she addressed it. She was so brave, she didn't show worry or fret, she let go of all that and simple said, "It is what it is."
Sometimes I think we work ourselves up into a needless tizzy. We analyze situations over and over and over and again. We spend time calling searching for homes to find the perfect one. We rehash old baggage to feel validated for the hurt we feel. We need to let go of pain and hurt, resentment, bitterness. All the emotions that drag us down, making us feel as though we are drowning, we need to let go of. It's not easy, never said it was. You will find peace, love, joy and contentment when you let go. When we accept Christ's atonement and let him heal us, we find that his hands are where we want to be. We need to relax a little, focus on our families and dear friends; we need to reach out and help others and be still and know that God is at the wheel.
Auna Leigh
PS. Check out my friends post today..http://www.itsyourtimetoheal.blogspot.com
Great minds think alike! ;)
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