Letters of the past, present and future...

This past week I was looking over some letters I have written and others have written to me.  I thought I'd like to start a series of letters.  Tid bits of love saved for myself and others for a later time.  I appreciate reading these and have been impressed to share some.  If it's not your thing, then move right along…

Letter to my daughter and future fiancé:

Dear Emmeline Sage and STBSIL,                                                                  February 15, 2015

I am dumbfounded that you are getting married!!!  Right now, you barely even talk about boys but you do smile oddly when a cute boy walks by or yell at me when I say hi to the popular boys at school.   I know you like them but are afraid to talk about it.  Just like you blush and try to avoid talking about puberty and the facts of life. ;)

Emme you have an amazing talent to love others.  You have a gift of a tender heart.  You love your family.  I love watching you with your friends and with your siblings.  You can play with Eva as well as you can play with our 18 year old babysitter!  You will accomplish so much!  I know you will want to study, what, I don’t know.  Whatever it is, you will do it fantastically.  My guess is you will desire to serve a mission.  Now, I think that would be a fantastic opportunity for you and that you could help many find Jesus Christ, but if you choose not to go and get married instead, I will know it is because you felt it in your heart that God wanted not to go.

Emme, you are at a critical point in your life right now.  I know that you will make the best decision to marry the right man.  However, look at your fiancé:  Does he work hard like your Dad? Is he a worthy priesthood holder like your Father?  Does he love you and puts you second in his life, first being God?  Does he want kids and is he good to his Mom? 

Being a wife and a mother is not easy.  However all the hard work is worth it!  I have you, just as a small example! ;)  Don’t put off having kids!  They are the true joy in life!  I find it a privilege to be a wife to a man that loves God more than me and who is a fantastic Father!  You are so incredible lucky; you were raised by a prefect Dad.  Yes, no one is perfect but he was the perfect fit to raise you!  Emme once you learn to embrace motherhood, with all the messes and sleepless nights you will find a joy that I can’t express.  Stay home with your kids; you will never see them take their first steps again.  I am blessed to do that.  I have loved watching you grow!  You have surpassed all my expectations!  You are rare!

Now soon to be son-in-law, welcome to the family.  Enter if you dare!  We are so thrilled that Emme has chosen you and you have chosen her!  She is a rare rose among thorns.  Now, I expect you to know this and remember this for the rest of your life, Emme is as precious to me as water is to a traveler in the Sierra’s.   Now, I have been tempted to threaten you if you hurt my daughter in the slightest, but I too have been married a long time and know it is not easy, so I know there will be pain, but let me teach you how to love a woman deeply and she will respond and love you beyond your understanding; listen to all the craziness, even if it doesn’t make sense, scratch that, especially when it doesn’t make sense, all she needs is a nod and say, “I know, that’s just crazy.”  Give Emme wings to fly!  She loves to do her own thing but she will always return home to her sounding board, aka, you.  Women need to get out and socialize and not feel guilty.  Let her go, smile and clean up while she’s gone.  She will respond will affection and respect.  Encourage her to remember her true heritage.  She is a beloved daughter of God.  PLEASE, treat her as such!

Now that all the counsel is over, you’ll notice that I didn’t hound on Emme as much, there is a reason.  I had 18 years to already do that, if she hasn’t figured out yet, good luck STBSIL!  You’ve got this!

Love,

Mom from the past

PS I love you more!

I Won the Lottery!!!!!!!!

There is no other way to express my excitement than the feelings of winning the lottery.  I came home from a long and wonderful Spring Break to San Diego and Mesa when I opened my door to a perfectly clean house.  I thought at first I should pat myself on the back, "Impressive Auna Leigh, way to be on top of things!"  Then I looked around a bit more and I noticed my blinds were clean, my carpets were WASHED, my floors mopped, towels were washed and folded, a new Turban Twist hung by my shower, kid towels were sewn and folded.  I always thought myself to be pretty clean, but dang, never THAT clean.

I knew only one person in the world crazy enough to clean my whole house, with the time and love for me.  I walked next door and pounded on the door, "Ms. Maybury you've got some explaining to do!!!!"  Seriously, what kind of person cleans your house, top to bottom just to, "Pay it Forward"!?  I asked my sister this and she said, "Not your sister!"

I have lived in the same house for now six years and I have had many neighborly acts of kindness that have lifted me and given my self-esteem wings to fly, but this had to take the cake.  Ms. Maybury already watches my kids with no warning, tutors my son in speech, wakes up at 5:40am to kick my butt at the gym, cooks me yummy sugar cookies, walks with me in a storm to return library books, etc.

Everyone needs a little Ms. Maybury in their life.  I am sorry if you don't.  I think I'd go crazy if I didn't have that bundle of joy and service within reach.  I am forever grateful that the Lord has put an earthly angel right next door that has given me more than I am worthy of accepting.  Sometimes in life you give and you give and you give and then other times your windows open and the Lord pours blessings in.  Mine comes in with a hearty laugh, the biggest grin you've ever seen, jeans, tennis shoes and a heart of gold.

So, Thank You friend, thank you other friend who wishes to be unnoticed!  I love you both with a kind of love that only one has for an angel in their life, Christlike love.  You two made me feel like I'd won the lottery!  I guess I did, to have friends that would break into my house and clean every nook and cranny.  Thank you God giving me these angels.

PS.  I wished I took pictures of my home when I walked in, but within 30 seconds it looked like a bomb went off.  Oh the joys of motherhood!

swimming in wet clothes

Tonight as I was trying to relax and unwind in the tub, while using my nebulizer, I know, you can imagine how uncool I looked.  Maybe you were more worried about me getting shocked.  In case of the later, I'm writing so, we're goooood.  While in the tub my two littlest earthly angels made their debut in my bath completely clothed.  They laid there in there tight little clothes suctioned to their skin.  Now they are running around in there wet jeggings.  I should get them dressed, heck I should get dressed, but as Disney Channel plays in the back ground I sit down to pour my heart out.

I love my kids.  I love my life.  I feel blessed more and more every day, but that doesn't mean there are days I feel like I am swimming in my clothes, more like drowning. You get the picture?  I sat in Sunday School yesterday as we were taught how to best help our children to learn.  Hands were raised steadily through the hour lesson and example after example were given and I sat there with my hand in my lap and my mind racing for ideas to share.  

The thing is I am usually one of THOSE people that fellow classmates hate, but teachers love.  I usually have something to share that has worked or hasn't worked for me.  This last Sunday was different, I kept thinking, I have no clue what I am doing.  I really feel like I am winging it, 90% of the time.  Honestly, I'm treading water in the massive pond of Motherhood.  To tell you the truth, I hate Mommy blogs, whether its crafts, parenting, food, etc.  Yes, I am well aware I am a mother blogging! 

So I am keeping it real; I have no grand plan on Motherhood, no cleaning plan that works, no dinner schedule that dazzles the masses, my baby sitting co-op is slowly dying, I don't have a workout routine guaranteed to shed the weight, nor do I care to work it off right now.  I lack in so many areas it makes my head spin.  I am just trying to stay afloat.  

I have a quote in my home, well actually I have a few of them, that reads "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."  It doesn't tell you had to harness the storm, or the five steps to a cleaner, brighter happier sky, but to simply dance.  Flippin' DANCE.  I had these shoes I used to wear to dances in high school and I'd say, "They make me jump higher, run faster and dance like no ones watching."  Turn up the music and dance to your own craziness!

Here's to the crazy Mom's who roll down the windows and blast their horns when they drop their teenager off;  the Mom who finds an extra pair of kid socks in your sweatshirt sleeve; the Mom who forgets snacks and zip locks popcorn for the starving first graders; the Mom who shows up late to a daughter half time performance, etc.  You rock!  We mom's adore you!  All of us stand by and wish we had your style, your patience, your attitude, your hair and your adorable smile.  Power to the moms!  Keep swimming.  

train wreck

Not too long ago I got caught in a scary predicament.  I was a voice in the dangerous gossip train and the conductor blew the whistle.  Everyone was ordered to stay aboard as I was kicked off.  As I fell, it hurt.  There were tears and heart ache.  I hated watching the train pull out and my friends look the other way.  I saw the whispers behind my back, the look over the shoulder to make sure I wasn't listening.  I knew I should have kept my mouth shut tight and never boarded that train, but I had to climb aboard to notify one fellow passenger.  One.  It just took one.   

It wasn't a fun story to tell, it was full of heart ache, deception, secrets and lies of others.  I was abandoned that day, stuck in a rut, hurt deep to the bone because I had cause so much pain for my friend.  I thought, "If only she could see the truth, she would know I am a good person.  She would love me.  She would see me as honest.  And then the guilt would be gone.   I wouldn't feel so darn sad and lonely."

Well as all secrets do, the truth leaked out.  This time my friend took initiative and got the answers she needed.  When I heard, my heart sank.  The relief I had anticipated never came, my heart felt heavier because it was all true and my friend was hurting and there was nothing I could do.

I tell my daughter who is in the pit of drama, aka, middle school, to keep her mouth shut.  Remember the phrase, "If you ain't got nothn' nice to say, don't say nothn' at all."  It's that simple.  Or at Dieter F. Uchdorft once said, "Stop it."  In a General Conference for my church he said, "This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!"

Six months after this ordeal I overheard some women discussing my friends predicament, good friends.  I sat by and didn't participate, thinking I was safe for not casting a stone.  Not until another gal spoke up and said, "Can we please stop talking about this.?  I just really love her and don't want to hurt her."  I sat back, I may not have been participating but I was doing nothing to stop it or protect my friend.

It's been now over two years and finally this friend will smile at me and pull me into her arms.  Before the holidays I saw her and she told me she loved me.  I know her life is far from peachy but to see her heart soften and accept me for my imperfections soothes my soul.

I pray that we can accept others for who they are. Period. Friends need people to have their backs when the rain hits.  Friends need someone to hold their hands and have a shoulder they can cry on.  Don't be sucked into the drama.  Stand up for your friends.  Love them all the time. 

So when the gossip train arrives at your station and blows the whistle to welcome you aboard, don't hesitate to throw the nearest elephant on the tracks. STOP IT, before it leaves a train wreck at your station.

Love you- Auna Leigh

He is the Gift

I am in love with this time of year.  Especially this year.  I decided not to send out Christmas cards and not to do neighborhood treats.   I'm sorry and you're welcome.   You see, I think all of us hate the rat race of Christmas and the guilty feeling we get when two dozen Christmas treats land on our porch and we haven't done one thing for anyone outside of family.  I'm sorry you won't be getting my carmel pretzels this year or a fancy smancy Christmas card, but what I am really giving you is a little less guilt this season, less sugar rush for your kids, less expectation from me.  So, when I smile and wave while bustling my kids around town or I'm humming a holiday tune in line at Walmart, let that be my gift to you.  Simple love and Christmas joy!  

The first Christmas gift wasn't wrapped in gorgeous paper and there certainly was not any perfect bows.  It was a gift of unconditional love.   The love Mary had for the Lord. The love Joseph had for Mary.  The love the Lord had for His son Jesus Christ.  May we remember this holiday season amid the chaos and self induced guilt, our Savior who was born to save us all.  

He is the gift.  He is why we can live again.  Here is a little

movie on the Savior that doesn't take much time:

Merry Christmas friends!  I hope you can feel the love Jesus has for all of us!

~Auna Leigh

free hugs

I don't quite know how this will go, nor where it'll end.  We'll just have to start at the beginning.  Ever since I was a little girl I was known as a love bug.  When my mom asked my sister what she wanted to be when she grew up, my sister responded, "More loving, like Auna."  This was something I was apparently born with.  I have a gift to love.  

I was always bummed out when I didn't make the dance teams, or excelled in Home Ec.  I roll my eyes when I see perfectly put together moms.  I've struggled for years with the knowledge that I do not possess a visible talent.  It's no super human power, but I have come to realize that love is needed.

We can all show our love in many ways.   Kindly offering to let someone in your lane, smiling at a stranger, waving to your neighbor, or offering a middle schooler a ride.  Apparently the last is a "no no".  Last month when we had Arctic weather I offered a girl around twelve walking on slippery ice a ride.  I rolled down all my car windows so she could see there were other kids in the car and offered her a ride.  My daughter was mortified.  "Mom, I don't know what it was like when you grew up but you CAN'T do that any more.  Some girl at school was being followed, last week."  So I guess stay away from offer kids you don't know anything.  I guess most kidnappers are moms with carpoolers already in the car.  ;)

I love dropping off my kids as school and waiting to hear, "I love you Mom." even though its usually quick and not while looking at me.  I love when they don't and I get to roll down my window and yell, "Honey, you forgot to say I love you!  I love you!  I love you! I love you!"  I even like to add blaring music or a honk of my horn.  Saying I love you is important, but showing love is magical. 

Psychotherapist Virginia Satir famously said: "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."

Hugs are so important, there's a National Hug Day. If you don't believe me, google it.  

f you need a hug, give a hug.  

Yesterday I hugged a couple of my friends and I notice I received more endorphins and I felt happier. Appropriate physical touch helps reduce stress, and makes us feel loved and accepted.  Many report that when people are in comas they respond better when they are being touched.  

I have two littles that know how to give hugs.  All my children love hugs and need them equally, but these two just know when you need the biggest hugs.  I love getting wrapped up by my seven year old.  I love how healing they make me feel.  He wasn't always a cuddly one.  In fact he was a very busy two and three year old.  He was an angry five year old.  He struggled.  We tried many things.  What worked for us was recognizing his strengths and focusing on them.  One was his magnificent hugs.  I make sure I get one hug a day from him because they didn't always come easily.  

I love getting hugs and giving hugs.  I love when I'm "discussing" with Mr. C and tensions are high, tears are falling and he wraps me up in a big hug.  A part of me wants to push away and sometimes I do, but if I let him hold me, then slowly the tension melts away.  It's not a huge miracle, BAM I feel better; rather it is a smidgen of a hope that helps resolve our differences.  

I grew up in a house that hugged a lot.  We loved a lot.  I guess having 5 girls and then a little brother, made us a more "touchy feely" family.  I am grateful for a Dad that wraps me up in a bear hug, my mom who holds my hand, my sisters who usually do some kind of grabbing, mostly inappropriate so, aunts who remember my birthdays with lip balm, grandpa's that hug and whisper, "You're my best girl!"  

When you're feeling down and out, happiness is only a hug away.  So get out there wrap up that Christmas shopping and spread some love with a smile and if you're feeling it, a great big hug!  

snow angels

For a while now I have been thinking about my dear friend Charlotte*.  I knew life wasn't as peachy as she made things look, but I felt like I could never crack the outer shell.  She comes to my mind often and I never follow that inner voice.  Until one day I had a very unique experience.  Out of the blue I texted her and simply asked how her youngest was doing and if we could borrow an old movie.  She responded that they had just left the hospital for some testing.  They thought it might be whopping cough.  I told her I'd bring a meal over.  She graciously declined, like every other woman I know would do.  But I wouldn't except no for an answer.  I told her that a meal would be on her porch at four regardless if she ate it or not.

I ran to the store with my day passé of two and we started down each isle.  I always feel uneasy of what to bring people, because I am NOT the best cook.  Yeah, I can make anything from a box, but that's about where my skills end.  So I went out on a limb and bought key lime pie fixings, spring salad with fresh berries and noodles to make a soup.  Nothing fancy by any means, but it was a challenge for me.

When I made it home I unloaded and said a little prayer and the neatest thing happened, unseen angels were my aid.  (Only wish they would have reminded me to put salt in the bread.)  Everything came together with ease and it looked and smelled wonderful.  As I loaded the car this overwhelming feeling of love and peace washed over me.  I knew it wasn't meant for me, it was meant for my dear friend Charlotte.   I brought it in with my little assistants and talked with her 18 year old daughter.  I debated there for a good five minutes, wondering if I should share this experience.  I knew I had to.  I said, "Sam*, will you tell your Mom that the Lord loves her.  He must think she is pretty amazing because he asked me to tell her."  Sam smiled and told me thank you for sharing and I was off and on my way to pick up the rest of my passé from school.

Later I received a beautiful text from Charlotte, "I just talked with Sam.  She told me everything you brought and what you said and I am sitting in my car bawling.  You have no idea how much I needed to hear that and feel that right now!  I had a really horrible weekend and I'm so thankful for your inspired goodness and love.  You are a huge answer to prayer.  I'm so humbled by what you did for us tonight.  Thank you.  This means more than you know."  Almost, a month later I received an inspiring thank you from her husband that stated, "Thank you for responding to the promptings of the spirit.  Your meal came on one of the darkest days I've had in years.  Thank you."

I am so grateful they responded.  Most of the time when I feel prompted to do something I don't get to know the whole story.  I want to reiterate the truth, that I don't share these experiences to boast in my strength, but in the Lords.  I am nothing without my Savior, who gave all.  We are all here to help others along their path.  Charlotte answered my prayers years before when she came and cleaned my house with me.

Recently I read this darling book, by Angel Randall.  My sweet five year old picked it out.  It is a sweet story of how angels are always close by and ready to assist.   All these little girls needed to do was ask. It's worth the read, my kids love it and ask to read it every night, even the 11 year old who thinks I know nothing.  

See a need, pray for help, and then see the angels go to work.  Yes, it takes effort on our part but you will be guided and directed in His work and blessed in other areas of your life.  I am extremely grateful for angels that assist me daily, both seen and unseen.  

Daily Imprints

As featured first on Real Imprints today:

Ever since I was old enough to talk, I always said that I wanted to be a Mom.  I idolized my Mom.  I remember when my brother was born, I was eight years old and became his second mom.  We bonded early on.  I would wake up in the middle of the night when he cried.  As he got older, anytime he got in trouble or praised, he would reply, "Auna did it!"  I didn't know exactly what being a mom entailed, but the idea of holding babies all day long, feeding them bottles, rocking them to sleep, and reading them books, had me hooked.  Every woman I looked up to was a loving, nurturing mother.  I thought I could do so much, being a stay at home mom.   I would raise a nation in the walls of my home.  I would teach honesty, integrity, humility and love.  I would teach them their states and capitals, and maybe even homeschool.  I had a dream of a nice family of 4-6 kids, being raised on whole wheat bread, no TV, great literature and love.  

Don't tell my kids but, I don't know anything.  I basically wing it.  I shoot from the hip most days.  I use Google and Pinterest a lot.  I fail more than I win, but I try.  Somedays I'm more on my game, and then there are days like today, that I am still in my sweats with incredible bed head.  I am still in a crash course on mothering, eleven years and five kids later. I have failed Patience 101, too many times to count.  Along with Love 101, Nurturing 101, Listening 101, etc.   I barely graduated Infancy 501, and I’m now starting a new course, Preteen 101 and I am scared out of my mind.  

Here are five little professors that I am trying to attend to at the same time.  I will share a tidbit of what they have taught me. 

This summer we spent a lot of time on the road, and enjoyed our little family.  One of those trips was Lake Powell.  We had never been there as a family.  I had been in my youth and absolutely LOVED it, and wanted to share it with my family!  So we packed up and headed south.  I am from a fun loving, sometimes crazy family.  My Dad is always trying to kill us on the tubes, behind the boat.   We play a dare game of BUSHED, wee hours in the morning.  This trip was jumping off cliffs.  Many people were jumping and feeling the adrenaline course throughout their bodies, except Brigham.  He is a cautious kid.  He is determined to try new things and he will practice hours to get it right; although, cliff jumping just wasn't his thing.  As I gazed up from the base of the cliff, I totally understood. It took him two days and many counsel sessions with his Dad and Uncle, until he finally made the jump.  When he made it down, he popped out of the water with a look of triumph and pure pride.

Brig is an example of determination, hard working and a magnificent negotiator.  He forces me to try hard things and really enjoy life.  He reminds me daily how I need to be better.

 I never know what I'll get out of Elleigh Belly.   She likes to keep me on my toes.  She's funny, sassy and always keeps me guessing.  One of my favorite things about this five year old, is her ability to make a friend and make them smile.  She loves to smile and wave at people in the grocery store and say, "Hi! What's your name?"   I try to remind her not to talk to strangers, but she has it all figured out, "They aren't strangers any more."  She makes everyone around her happy.  She once asked her teacher, "Does my breath stink?" and then breathed in her face.   She is my mini me.  She is a socialite and isn't afraid to be the life of the party.  When I entered kindergarten, my mom filled out a questionnaire about me. At the end she said, "Auna is the kind of girl who will dance on top of the table for you.  Please don't stifle her enthusiasm."  I, in turn wrote that very same statement on Elleigh's form.  Elleigh has taught me to enjoy life, be a good friend and keep others laughing.

  Truman has ran holes in his shoes, literally.  This kid is meant for speed.  He took off last year in his running career.  At his school they have a running program.  He had three other boys in his class that he would run with.  They received their 10, 25, 50, 75 and 100 mile awards together.  They had a healthy little competition, and if one of them was out of town, they would be devastated that the others would pass him up.  One day I got an email from Truman's teacher.  "These boys!  They were running again today.  Heath fell hard.  I thought they would keep running because they are all so competitive.  However, they all stopped, picked him up and waited for him until he was ready to run.  Then they all walked a lap together and then ran the rest of the way with him."

Truman has a heart of gold, his compassion surpasses an average 7 year old.  I love his snuggles and especially his daily hugs.  He knows I can't make it through my day without one.  I am taught constantly patience and love from this guy.

 This little bit of sunshine, Eva Dahlia is wise beyond her years.  She understands things that other 3 year olds wouldn't get.  This summer in McCall, we had Craig's Mom up for the weekend.  As any other grandma would be, she was a bit nervous with all the kids around the water.  By the second day we convinced her to try the jet ski.  As Eva watched her, she walked out to the dock and yelled, "It's okay Grandma.  If you need me I'll be right here."  It was so darn cute and what added to the cuteness was Eva wouldn't step foot on a jet ski.  Eva always has a kiss or hug ready.  She loves to snuggle at bedtime and wraps you up around your neck for a bear hug and won't let go.  She told me last week, "Mom, I be nice, if you be nice. K?"  She is constantly reminding me of our agreement.  She gives me a daily dose of kindness and sympathy.  I cry regularly as I watch her grow, hoping the world won't change her endearing sweetness.

Miss M is always teaching me.  I am not a perfect Mother and she reminds me every day. She calls me out on my bull crap.  She's only eleven, but she acts like my mom most of the time.  I remember fighting with her once and hearing, "Mom just stop!  It's not helping!"  Slap in the face of reality.  I hope that my guinea pig will turn out OK, and that I don't mess her up too much.  So far she's fantastic and I am loving having a little diva to share shoes with.  A few years back she was struggling with a girl at school.  The girl was bigger and older for her grade and made fun of Emme and her art work.  She came home in tears and wanted to "just die".  I sat with her and tried to explain why people aren't nice sometimes.  I told her she didn't have to be her friend and to just stay clear of her.  She had many friends that year and I encouraged her to play with someone else.  I even thought about talking to the teacher and asking for Emme to move seats away from this "friend".  Yup, my Momma instincts were coming out and I wanted to meet this girl and have a little "talk".  Well, before I could get any of my ideas out there, she came skipping home the next day, happy as can be.  As it turns out I have a very forgiving daughter.  She didn't take any of my advice.  Instead, she invited her to sit with her at lunch.  She acted like nothing happened.  She chose to not take offense and forgive.   She has taught me to forgive and love unconditionally. 

I am pretty sure this isn't your typically imprint story, but these kids have left some very deep imprints, if not holes, in my heart.   They push me to be better, to stand taller and to love deeper.  I hope one day I will be worthy of their love.  I am not much of a great student, but I love to learn.  I hope my little professors will be easy on me; I've never done this before.