secret pal

It was Christmas time over fifty years ago, in a small town of Connecticut, USA.  There was a young mother far away from her own closely knit family of sisters in Salt Lake City, UT.  She was newly married, with two very demanding children, the youngest demanding constant care being born six weeks early.  She married a man that swept her off her feet, weeks before his deployment.  It was a hurried wedding, and then a long time spent apart.  Naoma was her name, with crystal clear blue eyes, far skin, with brown hair.  She was far from your typical Utah Mormon girl; she was glamorous.  She even had a hint of mischief in her eye.

As the snow fell and her heart was weakened through the ugliness of home sickness there was a faint tap at her door.  She almost thought it was the wind.  She slowly opened the door, and there on her doorstep was a tiny wrapped present bearing her name.  As she opened the card, she read, "To Naoma, Love Your Secret Pal."

From then on every birthday, holiday and some times out of the blue she would receive a knock on her door or a random stranger giving her something from her "Secret Pal".  It was sometimes home made bread, flower from a garden, a nice trinket or just a sweet card, but Naoma always felt loved living in a little town across the continent from her home.

As the years went on, the gifts continued.  Now Grandma Naoma was rather old and gray.  As once declared at age 16 by a palm reader, "You'll live so long that you'll dry up and blow away."  She loved telling that story and towards the end of her life she would get it all mixed up and say "I'm going to blow up and dry away!"  Fortunately for us the former happen and she died peacefully a few months ago at the age of 90.  We miss her so much.  We miss her constant love, listening ear, games played together, food fights and her famous chocolate chip cookies and fudge.

Naoma Elizabeth Logie

It was late in the evening when an elderly lady came into the viewing room in Bountiful, Utah.  She was sort of plain and stayed back for awhile.  No one quite knew who she belonged to.  As everyone started to leave she brought forward a tiny bouquet and set it next to Naoma's hand.  She whispered softly into her ear and started walking quietly away.  My dear mother-in-law walked up to her and ask how she was aquatinted with Naoma.  She replied, "I am not.  I am on an errand for a sister of mine in Connecticut.  She asked me to bring this tonight and to tell Naoma how much she loved her.  Years ago your Mother Naoma was having a pretty lonely Christmas, upon a request from her Bishop (pastor of our church) she dropped off a little present on her doorstep.  That sister of mine magnifies everything she touches!  You should see her garden! She hasn't stopped ever since that day and now she's pulled me into this plan when Naoma came to live with you."  My mother-in-law lit up with delight!  "Oh I know your sister!   She was the nice lady who lived around the corner, whose garden was envied by all the congregation.  She was the one who was my Mother's "Secret Pal". " They sat arms linked together and reminisced long into the evening.

Although I don't know this woman in Connecticut I dearly admire her.  The simple acts of kindness she rendered continued thru the decades and were demenstrated on a regular basis.  I am sure her heart is pure gold and she radiates sunshine with every step she takes.

You don't have to look far for someone to serve, they may sleep in your own bed.  I love the whole secret service idea.  It's so fun to do surprises!  The other day I planned a Surprise Birthday party for my husband in a very short 2 hours.  Although his birthday is in December I thought, he's too good not to be celebrated more often.  So I sent kids in all different direction;  benefits of having 5 kids!  Emme made the cake, boys mowed the lawn, and the girls decorated.  I cooked the dinner and wrapped presents; one of which was an old pair of his underwear (gotta love kids humor)! He came home in shock and confusion, sprinkled with pure delight!  I may be slightly delusional and this side of ADD but know that life is too short to not be a little crazy.

So try it.  Plan a little surprise service project.  See how long you can go undetected.  Make it a game.  Or you can be completely nuts and hire an artist to delivery a singing telegram for someone!  There are no limits.  Make someones day and by doing so you're day will be better too!

good things happen in 3's

I am going to start with a disclaimer, good things and bad things happen in threes.  One of my threes is an amazing sinus infection that left me in bed for 3 days, fever for 7 and still stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey.  The service that was rendered this week to me and my family, as hard as it was to receive, left me awestruck!   I had hand sanitizer, vitamins, bread, meals, kids babysat, etc.  I have been richly blessed and am praying to get better so I can start making my service deposits.  While  I wait I will reveal in the love that surrounds me through service and friendship.

This story took place not far away, not too many years ago:

As I sat down for sacrament meeting in an old building on the outskirts of town I looked around.  Hmmmmm.   It looked small and quant.  Um, pretty sure most the congregation graduated the same year as my great grand parents.  We felt like neon signs were flashing on our row, with children climbing under and over our pew.  We juggled 1, 3 and a 5 year old and a pregnant belly, the best we could.  Where had my husband moved me too!?  How was I going to meet anyone?  And I failed to mention we lived in Idaho Falls, Hell's winter cousin.  

I can't express to you the depths of despair I  fell into when we moved.  I had moved states away to California and flourished there.  Being four hours away from home, in the "armpit of Idaho",  I felt millions miles away in my mind.  My kindergartener and I would fight every day after school.  My one year old pushed my limits daily.  One day I found him butt naked on his bike pedaling to my neighbors for a popsicle.    My husband would hold me when I cried myself to sleep at night for weeks.  

Once I had Miss L I started a little ritual of walking in the mornings, just a mile before Craig had to be off to work.  He worked long hard days.  He'd leave early and arrive late at night.  I felt like a single mom a lot that year.  As I would make my way through the subdivision and take in all the beauty of aluminum siding and left over snow, I'd pray.  I had many good chats, one stands out from all the rest.  I remember praying that God would give me opportunities to make friends and serve.  

It wasn't long that I got the first impression to phone a neighbor who was recently pregnant and super ill.  I asked if I could bring in dinner.  What!?  I should have checked my fridge, because I was clean out of everything.  Luckily,  I had frozen rhodes rolls.  I put them out and brain stormed how I would load 4 babies, 5 and under and make it thru Winco without dying.  Time slipped by, Craig had to work late again.  So I loaded my kids up and drove over to Little Cesar's and picked up a $5 pizza. I felt ridiculous as I walked up to the steps with rolls and a hot pizza, while my crazy kids screamed in the car.   When she came to the door she began to well up with tears.  "How did you know?  I just got off the phone with my mom and she said, "Honey what does sound good?" and the only thing that came to mind was rolls.  How could you have known?"  I stood there and wanted to scratch my head and think how did I know?  But I didn't, only the Lord knew.  

Later that week I felt the need to bring cookies to a sister I had met once at church.  I didn't know anything about her, but felt the desire to get to know her more.  I went to make  my families favorite chocolate chip cookies, nothing too fancy, but a crowds favorite.  I went to grab the bag of chocolate chips only to find they had been eaten through, almost to the bottom.  So I thought of trying snicker doodles;  couldn't find any cream of tarter.  By now your thinking, seriously go grocery shopping woman!  But things were tight around our house and we were trying to make everything spread as far as it could go.  So I ended up making no bake peanut butter chocolate cookies.  I didn't even have a paper plate or ribbon or a cute little card; it was a good little home makers nightmare!   I dropped them off on her doorstep, because no one answered the door.  The following Sunday or should I say, Roller Derby, I ran into her.  "Thank you so much for those yummy cookies. I haven't made those in years.  They've always been my favorite."  I noticed a theme.  Do you?

Finally the last day of the week I decided to try making home made bread.  I was feeling a little domestic, so I pulled out my kitchen aid.  Now, I'd seen my mom do it a million times, she even invited me over to teach me.  But here I was a couple hundred miles away attempting to venture down a road I'd only dreamed about.  It took me all day,  I ground the wheat, fed a baby, let the yeast rise, changed a diaper, mixed the ingredients, let it sit, picked up a kindergartener, put in oven to rise, all lopsided and funny.  Presto!  50 min later a rather large loaf, if I dare call it that, was done.  I quickly buttered the top and wrapped it with a paper towel and wheeled down the street in my stroller, to a lady who had just come home from surgery.  I knocked, no response.  I gave the knob a jiggle, it was unlocked.  Dare I go in?  Of course!  I walked in, put the loaf on the counter, wrote a little note and dashed back out the door.  A couple weeks passed when I bumped into her.  She said, "Was that you who made the home made bread?"   I sheepishly replied, "Yes."  She went on, "It was soooo good.  I had gotten home from the hospital that morning and was too drugged up to get the door.  When I finally woke up I saw the loaf of bread.  I devoured it.  I think I ate the whole loaf in one sitting.  You need to teach me sometime how you make it."  

By this time I knew that it was all in the Lord's hands.  He knew what these dear sisters needed.  Were all three of this ladies good liars, just trying to make me feel good?  Possibly, but I felt divinely guided.  I lifted and inspired and in turn was blessed to see the Lord's hand.  I made three good friends that week. 

Below is a story President Monson told that is better expressed and close to my own I wanted to share:

Tiffany’s difficulties began last year when she had guests at her home for Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. Her husband had been in medical school and was now in the second year of his medical residency. Because of the long work hours required of him, he was not able to help her as much as they both would have liked, and so most of that which needed to be accomplished during this holiday season, in addition to the care of their four young children, fell to Tiffany. She was becoming overwhelmed, and then she learned that one who was dear to her had been diagnosed with cancer. The stress and worry began to take a heavy toll on her, and she slipped into a period of discouragement and depression. She sought medical help, and yet nothing changed. Her appetite disappeared, and she began to lose weight, which her tiny frame could ill afford. She sought peace through the scriptures and prayed for deliverance from the gloom which was overtaking her. When neither peace nor help seemed to come, she began to feel abandoned by God. Her family and friends prayed for her and tried desperately to help. They delivered her favorite foods in an attempt to keep her physically healthy, but she could take only a few bites and then would be unable to finish.

On one particularly trying day, a friend attempted in vain to entice her with foods she had always loved. When nothing worked, the friend said, “There must be something that sounds good to you.”

Tiffany thought for a moment and said, “The only thing I can think of that sounds good is homemade bread.”

But there was none on hand.

The following afternoon Tiffany’s doorbell rang. Her husband happened to be home and answered it. When he returned, he was carrying a loaf of homemade bread. Tiffany was astonished when he told her it had come from a woman named Sherrie, whom they barely knew. She was a friend of Tiffany’s sister Nicole, who lived in Denver, Colorado. Sherrie had been introduced to Tiffany and her husband briefly several months earlier when Nicole and her family were staying with Tiffany for Thanksgiving. Sherrie, who lived in Omaha, had come to Tiffany’s home to visit with Nicole.

Now, months later, with the delicious bread in hand, Tiffany called her sister Nicole to thank her for sending Sherrie on an errand of mercy. Instead, she learned Nicole had not instigated the visit and had no knowledge of it.

The rest of the story unfolded as Nicole checked with her friend Sherrie to find out what had prompted her to deliver that loaf of bread. What she learned was an inspiration to her, to Tiffany, to Sherrie—and it is an inspiration to me.

On that particular morning of the bread delivery, Sherrie had been prompted to make two loaves of bread instead of the one she had planned to make. She said she felt impressed to take the second loaf with her in her car that day, although she didn’t know why. After lunch at a friend’s home, her one-year-old daughter began to cry and needed to be taken home for a nap. Sherrie hesitated when the unmistakable feeling came to her that she needed to deliver that extra loaf of bread to Nicole’s sister Tiffany, who lived 30 minutes away on the other side of town and whom she barely knew. She tried to rationalize away the thought, wanting to get her very tired daughter home and feeling sheepish about delivering a loaf of bread to people who were almost strangers. However, the impression to go to Tiffany’s home was strong, so she heeded the prompting.

When she arrived, Tiffany’s husband answered the door. Sherrie reminded him that she was Nicole’s friend whom he’d met briefly at Thanksgiving, handed him the loaf of bread, and left.

And so it happened that the Lord sent a virtual stranger across town to deliver not just the desired homemade bread but also a clear message of love to Tiffany. What happened to her cannot be explained in any other way. She had an urgent need to feel that she wasn’t alone—that God was aware of her and had not abandoned her. That bread—the very thing she wanted—was delivered to her by someone she barely knew, someone who had no knowledge of her need but who listened to the prompting of the Spirit and followed that prompting. It became an obvious sign to Tiffany that her Heavenly Father was aware of her needs and loved her enough to send help. He had responded to her cries for relief.

We too can go out of our way to serve in the tiniest of ways.
I probably could have made a grande meal with all the trimmings and it wouldn't have made any difference when all she needed was a roll.  I could have made the best chocolate chip cookies and all she needed was a taste if home.  We may plan out ways to reach out that take time, effort and energy.  But many times people just want the time, a listening ear or someone who cares.

Poppy

This post is for the man that raised my mother, who later became a drunk, moved to the mountains, loved me, but never took the time to show it.   My grandpa, Poppy passed away a little over two weeks ago.  My hear and mind have been aching over the memories of my youth and the regrets of the more current years.  I have felt hurt for his lack of attention and affection.  I hurt that he missed my wedding, graduation, each of my kids births and baptisms.  I miss the opportunities we could of had hunting, shooting, talking and shared holidays.   He made a lot of bad choices in his life.  He chose to drink, he chose the mountains and by making those choices he missed out on a lot.

But,  I too made choices.  I could have taken my family up to visit, he only lived an hour away.  I could have called more or remembered his birthday with a card or visit.  I could have been there when he died.  I too made bad choices and I am sorry.  I feel like the worst granddaughter.  How could I ever  hold bitterness and resentment so long that I missed out on a decade of memories?  This relationship, I have failed.  I am sorry, so sorry.

The day before he passed I went to visit him.  I went out of duty, out of respect and deep down, out of love.  When I walked in, he looked already gone.  My anger and bitterness was immediately swept away.   All I could do is hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him.  I watched him wince in pain and struggle to breath.  I knew this was the end, the last time we'd ever be together on this earth.  However, I looked to the future.  I knew that  he would give up his mortal tabernacle to go home to his Father;  I prayed that he would go quickly and as comfortably as possible.

I will miss his scratchy beard he'd let me play with, his flannel shirts I'd snuggle into when he pulled me into his lap.  I will miss his jokes.  I will miss his teasing and the love in his eyes. I will miss hearing him say how proud he was of me.

When my mom was a little girl running to the bus stop, Poppy would come running out yelling, "Wait! Don't leave me!  You forgot your kiss!"  Well, that's how I feel, "Wait,  I want one more kiss.  One more decade of memories."  But I won't get it here on this earth.  The time will come though, that I too will return to my Father, where my Poppy will be and I will run into his arms and make an eternity of memories with him.

I wanted to add some funniness to this sad post.  Poppy was known for many funny one liners that I'd like to share:

Oh, crap on a crutch!

That kid is one fart in a skillet!

If the horse don't buck, there ain't no rodeo!

100 years from now it won't make a difference.

It'll feel better when it quits hurting.

As the funeral grew closer, family flew in and time was shared together.  We laughed and cried and laughed some more.  We spent many late nights talking, then I would wake up early to take care of my kids.  I was starting to feel spread thin, between being a mother, wife and daughter.  I have five busy kids, one husband who was sick and a needy extended family.  I also had many emotions that needed time to heal.  I was on the phone with a loved one and snapped.  I thought out loud as I chucked my phone across the lawn!  "Why can't you see what I DO do!!?"  Hearing those words come out of my mouth was like lightening bolt.  I had a ginormous epiphany.  Did  I look at what my grandpa gave me or what he didn't give me?  Did I even see what he did do?  He gave me a pretty darn good Mom, love and affection and praise, his funny sense of humor, Christmas sleigh rides, Halloween Trick or Treating, snowmobiling excursions, memories with cousin in the mountains, cow pie fun, teaching me how to spell, C-U-P (see you pee)!  Why was I so focused on how I was wronged?  This wasn't his problem but mine.  I am owning this.

So many times we like to point the finger and put the blame on failed marriages, rotten childhoods, gossiping friends, rude neighbors, a fellow driver on the road.  We too play a part on the relationship or the lack there of.  Instead of asking yourself, "Why don't my parents ever call me?" ask "When was the last time  I called to check in on my parents?"  Look for the good in people, focus on what they can give.  I hope people will do that for me.  I fail in so many areas, but I do alright in some parts of life.  I hope others will see the good in me.

The challenge for this week is to give people the benefit of a doubt and see the good others do, instead of pointing out everything they do wrong.  Choose to not take offense by others actions.  You never know what others are going through.  Think "What Would Jesus Do?"  My great Mamee Rose would say, "Jesus loves you and so do I."  If you really do love them, show it.  I will wager that you will not only have more love for others, by the end of the week, but you will be happy.

With love,
Auna Leigh

listen..

When I first got the "call" to start this blog on service and friendship I had an experience that I felt needed to be shared.

I was leaving the gym early one morning in a rush  to get home to send my kids of to school when I saw someones car lights on.  I got in my car quickly and started my engine, reminding myself that it would be ok if I didn't run back in the gym and find the driver of the vehicle.  I came up with every excuse out there.  Right as I turned to leave, I slammed on the breaks when I felt the words in my heart, "Auna, if I can't trust you with this, then what can I trust you with?"  Simple, but a punch in the gut and with a sharp left turn and up straight through to my heart.  I put it in park, ran in and asked the first person at the desk if she had a minivan with its lights on and of course it was.  This experience reminded me in a simple way that I need to follow the promptings of the spirit no matter how small or  inconsequential we may think it is.  We never know. 

I was headed home from Costco during the summer when  I saw a 15 passenger bus that was pulled over on the side of the road with flashing lights.  I again reasoned with myself that they were fine.  We live in the cell phone age, where paramedics could be there in 5 min. flat.   Yet, I couldn't shake that nagging feeling, so I wheeled the car around and pulled up behind them.  I met two bell choir directors and ten of their crew.  One boy had gotten ill.  They had been traveling for a day and still had one more day til they arrived at their competition.    I grabbed my first box of Creamies I have ever purchased at Costco and handed out popsicles.  It was divine intervention, because I was going to buy ice cream that day.  A Popsicle miracle! ;-)

When I was due, I mean overly due, with my last baby, I was sitting at home with my 3 youngest kidos.  They were watching cartoons and I was practicing my relaxation/mediation for delivery she, POP, I mean literally I heard and felt a pop and all of a sudden I felt like I had peed my pants.  I went to change and realized my water had broke.  Immediately my phone starting ringing, it was my dear friend and visiting teacher ( women who look after women), Mindy, calling to check on me.  She asked how I was, I said, "Great!"  She asked then, "What can I do?"  I said, "Well I am pretty sure my water just broke and I am alone with my kids.  Can you come over?"  She sped over in ten minutes and pulled in just as my husband arrived.  I thanked her repeatedly for following the inspiration and she said it was nothing, but it was.  I think too many times we get a thought to help someone and push it aside as nothing of importance but it may be.  This reminds me of a story told by President Thomas S. Monson:

My brothers and sisters, the Lord’s purposes are often accomplished as we pay heed to the guidance of the Spirit. I believe that the more we act upon the inspiration and impressions which come to us, the more the Lord will entrust to us His errands.

I have learned, as I have mentioned in previous messages, never to postpone a prompting. On one occasion many years ago, I was swimming laps at the old Deseret Gym in Salt Lake City when I felt the inspiration to go to the University Hospital to visit a good friend of mine who had lost the use of his lower limbs because of a malignancy and the surgery which followed. I immediately left the pool, dressed, and was soon on my way to see this good man.

When I arrived at his room, I found that it was empty. Upon inquiry I learned I would probably find him in the swimming pool area of the hospital, an area which was used for physical therapy. Such turned out to be the case. He had guided himself there in his wheelchair and was the only occupant of the room. He was on the far side of the pool, near the deep end. I called to him, and he maneuvered his wheelchair over to greet me. We had an enjoyable visit, and I accompanied him back to his hospital room, where I gave him a blessing.

I learned later from my friend that he had been utterly despondent that day and had been contemplating taking his own life. He had prayed for relief but began to feel that his prayers had gone unanswered. He went to the pool with the thought that this would be a way to end his misery—by guiding his wheelchair into the deep end of the pool. I had arrived at a critical moment, in response to what I know was inspiration from on high.

My friend was able to live many more years—years filled with happiness and gratitude. How pleased I am to have been an instrument in the Lord’s hands on that critical day at the swimming pool.

We all have been given the gift of agency, the freedom to choose.  Living in America, we are given more freedoms than most of the world.  Everyone on earth has been given the Light of Christ that shines within us.  The Light of Christ has been said to be our conscience.  We all inherently know right from wrong and we have agency to choose to do the right thing…but do we?  How many times have we chosen to go against our moral code?  I know for myself, too many times to consider.  I am far from perfect; I struggle with anger management;  I find it difficult to love myself;  I please others before God;  I have yet to return silver wear from a church function.  Okay, the last one is true but  I am sounding like a Narcissist here, so I will try to ver back on track.

Throughout our lives we will have thousands of opportunities to listen to the promptings God sends our way through the Holy Ghost.  We have the gift to use our agency for good; to better the lives around us and within us.  Pray to recognize the spirit and immediately follow the council.

Be kind.  Listen to the Light within and follow His mission.  For when we are following the Lord's mission, we will find it is our mission.

chicken noodle soup

A few years back my older sister went through some serious finical troubles.  The economy went down real fast.  Building jobs shut down almost over night.  My amazing brother-in-law was in over his head, with too many specs not moving.  They tried everything from selling big ticket items to working for pennies.  Before they knew it they had to foreclose on their gorgeous home that sat on two acres.  It was a rough year on their family.  Many tender mercies and growing experiences, but there is one I choose to share.

With little time to find another home in the middle of the school year a kind neighbor offered them an old farm house they could rent for free, if they helped clean up the place.  It was old, mice infested, but it had character and gosh darn it, my sister LOVED it!  When I heard about the mice, I called her in a panic, but she played it off and said, "I took care of it.  I yelled, "Ty, grab your bb gun." and I layed on top of my bed, waiting for him to show.  Then "POP!"  I shot him!  One hit to the head!"  I giggled then and still think it's hilarious.  Jennifer always knows how to make lemonade with lemons.

During this trial Jennifer had a dear friend pass away.  Jennifer would spend hours a day there, multiple times a week and sometimes a couple of times a day.  She would wash dishes, do laundry, change her sheets, massage her feet and one night she even brought in a bottle of wine, which is against our religious beliefs, and said with a giggle, "Are you sure there's not one more thing you wanna try?"  Jennifer brought in meals, helped her dress and would spend hours simply talking.  A few weeks before her passing she told Jennifer, "When I get to heaven I am going to send you another little girl, a fiery one, to keep you on your toes!"  Jennifer who had no plans on having anymore kids said, "Leigh don't you dare!"

Well, within 3 months and without even ovulating Jennifer was pregnant.  She spent most of the time hung over her toilet puking all her innards out.  She was put on an IV at 6 weeks.  Still she couldn't keep anything down.  One night was extremely bad.   My mom called to check in on her, "How ya doing Sis?"  My sister replied, "Not good mom, I feel like hell."  Inside Mom felt torn, she knew she had to be somewhere early the next day that would require her there all day, that she committed to months before.  That night as Mom went to bed she prayed to God, "Heavenly Father, I know you are there and can make anything happen.  All Jennifer needs is just a good home cooked meal.  Please Lord can you make this happen."

The next day about mid afternoon on a Saturday there was a knock on my sisters door.  There stood the lady who now lived in her million dollar home holding homemade chicken noodle soup with mashed potatoes, my sisters favorite.  My sister was gracious and thankful and deeply touched by this woman's kind heart.  Soon my moms phone was ringing, "Mom, you'll never believe who was at my door and what she brought!!?"  My sister related the story and my mom's heart was full of gratitude as she thanked the Lord for hearing and answering a mother's plea.

The best part of the story continues when nine months later Portia Leigh was born and true to Leigh's word she was a fiery one!  My sister was now living in Mesa, AZ.  My mom grabbed a box of Krispy Kreams and drove over to my sisters old gorgeous home and knocked on the door.  The kind lady answered and my mom said, "I know you don't know me from the man on the moon, but not too long ago you took a meal over to my daughter who used to live here. I just wanted you to know you were literally an answer to my prayer.   I just want to thank you for doing something outside your comfort zone."  The lady started crying, "Thank you for coming and telling me the whole story.  I have always wondered how my service was viewed.  I didn't feel like a meal would be sufficient owning their old home they were forced to leave."

Prayers are answered through our tiny hands.  In the Book of Mormon, in the Book of Mosiah 23:10, "…the Lord did hear my cries, and did answer my prayers, and has made me an instrument in his hands…"  The Lord knows us, listens to our every prayer; he weeps when we weep.  When trials are burying you, try to pray and listen for his reply.  When you feel a thought to help someone out, do it!  This is the Lord's lifeline; he is reaching out to you.  He blesses us thru others.  This life is about looking out for others that need your help.  You will never regret serving others.

Enjoy the last few weeks of summer,

Auna Leigh

rekindle...

I am really excited about this post.  I have been wanting to talk more about my relationship with my dreamy Mr. C, but I had to wait for the right moment.  He is my best friend, soul mate, companion forever and the father of my children.  He is incredibly sexy, has the perfect body from head to toe.  My favorite is his eyes and smile.  He is ridiculously smart, funny and talented in just about every area of life.  Which drives me nuts with envy sometimes but, makes me adore him even more.   I love how giving, kind and dedicated he is.  He has a heart of gold, the wisdom of an owl and body of a god.  And he's mine, all mine.

I love watching old married people, walking hand in hand, grocery shopping together, kissing, etc.  I could watch them all day long.  Might freak them out a bit, but I just LOVE the elderly.  When Mr. C and I were dating he asked once, "When we're ninety do you think we'll still french kiss?" I replied quickly "Heck ya!"

This summer we have been traveling a ton and "discussing" a lot as well.  We've had our highs of highs and lows of lows in a short six week time period.  It's been one roller coaster after another.  Without airing dirty laundry I'd like to think we have a typical marriage with struggles like anyone else.   As of this moment we are soaring high above the clouds, with feelings of newly weds.  I am giddy as a school girl and constantly miss him while he is at work.  While the highs feel amazing and feel like they are but a brief moment, how do we even know they are a high without feeling the lows that feel like they drag on forever?

Marriage is the most important friendship to work on and to enjoy.  This last vacation we were in Washington staying along the beach.  It was beautiful and breathtaking.  On the drive up he hid my books I was planning on reading and asked to just talk all 10 hours.  I thought it might be hard to keep conversation for that long, but we did and on top of that, we enjoyed it.  This was his way of showing love for me, because conversation is a large LOVE language for me.  

 When we arrived we looked over our family reunion agenda and the first in the mornings was yoga.  I got excited, because it is my new found love for exercise.  I told Mr. C.  His response was what I was expecting, "Well you and your sisters will have fun."  I could fell the tension building, but before the wall could be built I asked, "Why don't we go together instead.  We could walk the beach and then go to yoga."  That sealed the deal and I could see a little bounce in his step, however small.  All that week, I tried to choose him over everyone else.  I wasn't perfect, but I tried.   And guess what happened?  He started feeling loved and appreciated.  Then all of a sudden it hit me, I married my best friend. 

We have spent time mostly around water this summer, which has helped keep us grounded.  Spending time enjoying God's creations has kept us rooted.  We have unplugged the TV and iPads and instead enjoyed God's entertainment and conversations with one another.  From walking the beach, to paddle boarding Lake Powell, to fire works over Lake Payett we have bonding.  All it takes is choosing to be with each other.  My challenge for myself and anyone out there who's up for it is to choose your spouse.  When you get all the kids into bed, instead of getting cozy and curling up to a good book, choose him.  When getting ready for lunch with a friend, cancel and surprise him.  Wake him up early and take him on a morning walk.  Might Want to buy him a donut to save your bacon if he's not a morning person.  Just choose him.  

Our marriage hasn't been perfect, for which I am grateful, because of our trials we have grown closer as a unit.  I married him because I knew that whatever was in our future we'd face it together.  People say you fall in and out of love with your spouse periodically.  I have to disagree.  I think being selfish overrides the love of others and hides it away.  But like every other thing we want badly we have to work for it.   You want a great looking body, you gotta hit the gym 6 days a week and diet constantly.  You want a million dollar enterprise, you have to work your butt off and take risks.  You want a marriage that is amazing you have to constantly be working on it; putting one another first. 

 I know this isn't a band aid that heals all marriages.  There is a lot of hurt and bitterness and betrayal.  Sometimes it is heavily one sided.  I know it sucks, but you are not alone.  Lean upon the Savior and he will heal your wounds.  He has descended below all, to feel our pain.  He atoned for everyone, those who have sinned and those sinned upon.  Lean on Him and continue to reach out to your spouse.  Be patient; from what I hear the grass ain't greener on the other side.  

I love Mr. C for all his strengths and weaknesses.  He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me.  I want forever with this man.  So I am starting by enjoying today with him. 

letting go

I have a lot of emotions swarming around in my soul lately and the one I clearly can pull on is hurt.  I found out recently that my dearest friend that I have raised my kids along side her kids is moving.  Again the Lord is trying me, pushing and pulling.  I said Uncle last month, but apparently it wasn't loud enough.  UNCLE!!!!  She has already started letting go, slowly, so it won't hurt so bad when she leaves.  I understand, but it still hurts.  When she told me she was moving, it sucked the wind right out of my sails.  We had plans!  Our kids would be in the same co-op.  We'd kid swap when we worked in the classroom.   We'd run to Costco together and Winco.  We were going places.  Ha! Ha!  I know she's not moving far away and I don't need to be so sensitive about it, but she's been my partner in crime for far too long.  From dressing up and serenading neighbors for their birthdays to carpool, we've done a lot together.  She has seen me at my worst, accidentally overdosing on pain meds during my pneumonia episode; witnessing my ditzy nature daily and loving me all the same.  When she moves her family away she will take a piece of my heart along with her.

All of us have areas in our lives that we struggle so hard to control.  Whether it's the food we digest or don't, appearing perfectly put together or not, controlling our kids and their bad behavior, controlling our spouse into being someone we want them to be, holding on tight to bitterness and resentment because then we have the control or think we do, holding onto expectations.  We try to control everything in our lives. We try to control where we will live, the school we will have our kids attend, the sports teams we want them on.  It's exhausting thinking about all the control we want.  In so many areas of our lives we are desperately trying to hold to the reins as hard as we can.  Our muscles are taut, our mind ever worried and yet the fear of simply letting go scares us into digging our feet in harder to resist the pulls all around us, even though it's what we need to do.

But what if we were to simple let go… you know, just to see what happens.  What if there is a far better plan out there that neither you or I could comprehend. What if we were to believe that our Father is of divine origins and that he loved us and knew the best plan for us and all we would simple have to do is slip the reins from our hands and open our arms out wide beckoning on the unknown.              

Carrier Underwood said it best,
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Anna my 65 year old stylist and neighbor came by today to add to my wardrobe with some of her old hand-me-downs.  As she was leaving she said, "Well I am headed in for my Mammogram today.  I have a lump that I found and its hurting.  My mom had breast cancer so I need to go get it checked."  Immediately I got a sick feeling in my stomach.  NO! Not Anna!  Lord don't take someone else away from me.  Please let it be nothing.  I looked at her worriedly and she responded, "It is what it is.  No reason to worry quite yet."  I stand vigil beside my window praying for a positive results driving up.  Although I worry about her, my thoughts return to her stoic and matter of fact way she addressed it. She was so brave, she didn't show worry or fret, she let go of all that and simple said, "It is what it is."

Sometimes  I think we work ourselves up into a needless tizzy.  We analyze situations over and over and over and again.  We spend time calling searching for homes to find the perfect one.  We rehash old baggage to feel validated for the hurt we feel.  We need to let go of pain and hurt, resentment, bitterness.  All the emotions that drag us down, making us feel as though we are drowning, we need to let go of.  It's not easy, never said it was.  You will find peace, love, joy and contentment when you let go.  When we accept Christ's atonement and let him heal us, we find that his hands are where we want to be.   We need to relax a little, focus on our families and dear friends; we need to reach out and help others and be still and know that God is at the wheel.

Auna Leigh
PS.  Check out my friends post today..http://www.itsyourtimetoheal.blogspot.com
Great minds think alike! ;)